
Living in a weird black world: Police and Thief ( a tale of yahoo boys).
Well I’m still in Lagos, hopping on buses, paying exorbitant transport fares and getting elbowed. It’s been sunny lately. People are angrier and there’s a high chance of getting a proper slap if you offend the right person; sometimes it’s the wrong person, an enforcer of the law. The next thing you are a falsely accused yahoo boy.
Yes, yahoo boy. The same email messenger, Yahoo!. no, you are not an official worker for yahoo, just a yahoo boy. Why would someone who’s meant to protect citizens slap you?. Well technically you are the thief/criminal in this story and he’s the good cop putting you down ( at least an onlooker would think so).
It’s a new rash in town being a yahoo boy. Fanny pack, dread locks on head, weird hair color, slides( slippers with thick soles), chain on your neck and trousers below waist showing underpants ( some without belts). At least this is how any hustling yahoo boy ought to appear ( no it’s not a cult thing, it’s like a mental connection of dress sense I suppose.). However, our today’s victim isn’t dressed this way. He’s five foot and ten inches tall, light skinned, rough curls and most importantly has an iPhone or a laptop ( does seem like a crime?.yes you are right, it isn’t).
If you’ve ever heard of the advanced fee fraud or incidence of people losing money to an African lover in distress, well that’s what we call yahoo scam ( in earlier times, Yahoo mail was the platform. Now we have tinder, gmail, hangouts and the others). So yes, these boys are cyber criminals on dreads with designer clothes and shoes that somehow have the brand name spelt wrongly, although there are others who made so much money that the sun no longer deserves to see their faces, so they hit the streets at nights in nice little cars. Our today’s victim isn’t though, his biggest crime is looking fresh and well fed in a black country in recession.
The war against cyber crime isn’t new across the globe, people hacking into databases, money laundrers and all the likes, caught up with and jailed good. Well, our country isn’t left out. We have the EFFC with their dangerous looking eagle logo swooping down picking up criminals, at least it’s their job. So it’s definitely puzzling in today’s story how the armed law enforcer, a hulk of a man with dark shades and well muscled arms, SARS written across the back of his shirt is apprehending a Yahoo boy.
Like my title suggests, I live in a black world and a lot of weird things go on here. It’s a recurring problem this act of misplaced duty, taking up yahoo boys when it clearly says ‘Special anti-robbery Squad”. Well, you would probably shrug and say the criminals had what was coming anyways so why complain. The plot twist here is this, our armed law enforcer isn’t entirely different from the thief or in this case he’s simply a predator snatching an innocent prey, an entitled thief.
Our good looking alleged yahoo boy goes into custody, sits in the back a van across the shady guy( right adjective for a man on shades in a dark van, if you ask me). First things first,the victim’s phone is in his hand unlocked and being searched. No warrants, no incriminating material to warrant the search but you dare not complain because his gun isn’t on safety lock. So far so good, phone’s clean,no pretty girls in gallery, no suspicious apps to bank on. Nothing to see here officer . Can I go officer?. You don’t want to confess abi, by the time I deal with you, you will know. That’s when you know there’s trouble and you are not leaving without losing. What do you do for a living. I’m a student. And you’re using iPhone and fresh like this, you never wan talk. Officer I’ve done nothing wrong. OK, you never ready. It goes on like that for minutes until he leaves to call a colleague to come judge the case while playing the concerned cop who has caught one of the bad guys. Finally, the new cop arrives,plays the sympathetic one, tells you to settle it with a little dough to let the matter die all the while saying nah because say I like you. Speaking broken English in that light hearted voice, like it was a normal process that should raise no alarm.
Still confused, adamant on your innocence. Your captor returns with more threats something about people being shot on kneecaps and spending a life time in jail. So you give in, make a bargain. They name their price an amount so ridiculous it leaves you sweating. No worries, you can call your friend to bail you they say. Right before your eyes, your money switches hands, a payment for being a good looking african. Extorted by a fellow citizen, one who should be protecting you from robbers.
Next day, you’re taking a walk, you see their van across the street, a new victim being led round the back. This time he seems proper, swagged like a real yahoo boy. Dread in place, ear stud and fanny pack. You can see the slight of hands, from fanny pack to hand to officer’s open palm. A good deal, officer seems pleased, patting his shoulder like an old friend. Quickly, you lower your head and take another route least they see you the potentials in you for a quick meal. So it turns out there’s really no cop, just a two criminals. One in casual clothes, the other approved by the government and given a gun license.
