It’s easy to miss when we’re doing it: those moments when we’re trying to persuade someone, convince them of the use or validity of our point of view, or indeed, when we’re trying to goad someone else into some sort of action or decision.
And whenever we fall into that attitude, the results vary from ‘tiring and pointless’ to ‘outright disastrous’.
A buyer shouldn’t be persuaded, but instead should be shown an insight about the purchase, that helps them decide whether or not to make it.
A child shouldn’t be forced to eat their greens — your job as a parent is to figure out what makes them want to eat them. (tough job, I know).
When an employee underperforms, threatening to fire them isn’t helpful. Much better to figure out what’s going on that prevents them from being their best. After all, there’s always a reason.
Force and persuasion may work, but at a high cost.
You’ll find it far easier, productive, and fun, to enroll people.
In each of the examples above, you’ll see it’s about stepping into the other person’s world.
Do that, and they’ll feel safe.
In the other person’s world, you don’t have to state your case. All you need to do is figure out what’s happening there, and identify which changes *you can make about yourself* so as to facilitate some process, decision, or buy-in from the other person.
It’s said that ‘nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care’, and it’s true.
It’s why taking the attitude of enrolling people is so effective. They feel safe, they’ll know you care about them, and so they’ll be more willing to enroll in whatever solution you present.
Where it comes to relations and communication, the solution when you meet resistance is rarely ‘more force’.
Using force means you’re making it about yourself, and about how right you know you are. Which you may or may not be, doesn’t matter.
What matters is that asserting that you’re right makes the issue about you.
If you want to enroll people and create the kind of results that everyone benefits from, you’ll need to make it about them.
You do that by stepping into their world.
Oh, and if it’s time for you to bring a coach into your world, just let me know.
Originally published at MartinStellar.com.