
“When a chosen role model criticizes a Stoic, he will not take the criticism as an insult and therefore will not respond by getting angry. Or if he does experience anger, it will be directed not at the mentor but at himself.” Being grateful when you feel disrespected seems counterintuitive — but an insult from someone you respect is an insult informed by experience, and therefore one worthy of more careful consideration, even if it’s painful.
The line between an insult and a piece of well-intended constructive criticism is almost always subjective. Let’s say you’re deep in a Twitter back-and-forth when an old colleague of yours wades into the mix, replying to a particularly passionate point of yours with a link to an article that totally disproves it. You’re mortified, then wounded, then defensive: Is this person trying to publicly make you look dumb? Hadn’t you always gotten along? From their point of view, though, the reply was a helpful gesture, meant to inform or to prevent you from making the same mistake again.
That’s why we need to pay attention not only to how our kids work and achieve academically, but also to how they play, resolve conflicts, and make others feel supported and empowered. Value has shifted from cognitive skills to social skills. As kids will increasingly be able to learn complex subjects through technology, the most important class may well be recess.