HBA: Week 3

through 3 weeks we have quite a bit to discuss. Let’s start with the current rankings as of today which will also serve as power rankings moving forward.

  1. Bodak Melo
  2. Anal Embiids
  3. The Big Lebrowski
  4. Grand Theft Otto
  5. Rimshots
  6. Kyle’s Cum Bandits
  7. No B.ig Beal
  8. Gibbs Sloppy seconds
  9. Shoot 1st ask ? later
  10. Blaking Ankles

Matchup 1: Kyle’s Cum Bandits V. Anal Embiids

Final Score: 7–2 Anal Embiids

Chet continued his solid performance through the early stages of the season by simply manhandling Kyle’s team. Chet dominated all categories and only lost in assist by 2 and steals by 1. Kyle came dangerously close to having to change his name to Kyle’s cummed on bandits because Chet was ready to unload on this man.

Kyle KO’d waiting for Chet’s seed

Chet gets a tough matchup against the rookie phenom, Bodak Melo. Kyle gets a softer opponent in Grand theft Auto. Hopefully Kyle can get it together before his season inevitably goes awry.

Matchup 2: Bodak Melo V. Blaking Ankles

Final Score: 8–1 Bodak Melo

It started out as a casual throw down between the fantasy power couple, it turned into a blood bath leaving a former champion with a damaged ego and hurt feelings. Rita absolutely had her way with Marty, it was actually tough to watch. While the season is young it is looking more and more like Marty is going the way of former champions, Jake and Chet, in becoming completely irrelevant in fantasy for a stretch of time.

Marty Eating Ls this season

Rita has a chance to continue her dominance on the league, facing off against Chet. Winner will more than likely hold sole possession of 1st place when next week is over.

As desperation begins to set in, Marty will square off against his dad, a fantasy no-name who has often be characterized as the proverbial bye-week. Get it together champ.

Matchup 3: No B.ig Beal V. Shoot 1st ask ? later

Final score: 7–2 No B.ig Beal

No B.ig Beal is garbage. He beat an injury plagued team. Please don’t look at this score and think this man deserves any praise. A guy who not only has the audacity to roster Dwight Howard, but also keep him in an IL spot when he is healthy warrants no respect. I look forward to you getting the reailty check you deserve next week when you play Blaking Ankles.

Jake, your team is ass, but hey! the season is young. Once/if his injured players return his team will be a formidable opponent. OKAY NOW WAIT! Kevin Love’s fantasy value has diminished past the point of saving, and The Baptist (John Collins) WILL NOT SAVE YOU! Holding Jeff Teague and picking up Zach Collins are signs of a man being reduced to a mere child. He has a strong chance of returning to the bottom of the league after next week’s matchup with Grand Theft Otto.

Matchup 4: The Big Lebrowski V. Rimshots

Final Score: 5–4 The Big Lebrowski

The matchup no one cared about and probably don’t want updates about. I think I speak on behalf of this entire league when we say we hate Cyrus. He is a blemish on the otherwise flawless face of this league. Nonetheless, his team isn’t terrible. Just something about his roster scream fraudulence. I believe as the season goes on his team will be exposed as trash. He went against the king of ‘if only’ this week so it is no surprise he was able to squeak out with a win.

bees trying to take down Cyrus

Matchup 5: Grand Theft Auto V. Gibbs Sloppy Seconds

Final Score: 6–3 Grand Theft Otto

Gibbs has been starting Kevin Knox for the last two weeks while he has been clearly injured. Cody dropped D’aron Fox (healthy) the night before he had a triple double. Did I mention that he replaced Fox with Derrick Rose?!? Well he did. Both of these squids have no idea what they’re doing. I guess they play fantasy basketball different in PA. Gibbs is a rookie so, okay, I guess I can let it slide, but Cody made the finals last season, this is inexcusable.

By the time you read this Gibbs should be throughly enjoying Cyrus sitting on his face for the better part of a week.

Cody will probably be on the verge of dropping Draymond Green for Tyson Chandler. At this point nothing would surprise me

*Niether of these two deserve my precious time to poorly photoshop them into something*

Stay tuned for more news and updates next week!