Mary’s Morning Musings: 114 Days in London
Hi friends near and far,
I know it’s been agessss (7 months?) since I wrote back and said hello. Lots have happened and changed — much good, some bad. Net good.
But anyways, I’m in the middle of my 8:15 AM Strategy class, suddenly feeling the urge to provide everyone with some quick life updates.
In true “Mary’s Morning Musings” style, we’re going to send this public ~journal entry in an unfiltered, time-bound manner.
So, the quick updates:
- I moved to London and began my MBA at London Business School
- I miss you in Seattle, San Francisco, and LA
- And 3) I feel pretty good about wrapping up 2023. Sharing my key takeaways below.
In detail —
Update 1: She an MBAyeee student
Starting with the biggest update — I started my MBA! Let’s consider this period of time the transition from my 5-year personal reflection journey and early career journey into… the ~revised late 20's(?) personal journey and career reimagination period. IDK what I am saying — basically the journey continues and persists in ways I couldn’t have imagined/fathomed when I graduated from undergrad.
I changed quite significantly from the beginning of this journey to date — both internally and externally, let’s say. A lot of my deeply rooted motivations and core spirit are quite the same. Still trying to use my life to serve — just with a lot less people-pleasing and self-effacing behaviors. More positive self-talk and permeating self-love. We love this journey for ourselves.
The MBA experience has been an interesting opportunity to hard-launch whoever you wanna be in this chapter. I felt good and both struggled with this in several ways. The pros — I’m great. (Lmao, jk kind of). But in all seriousness, you get to shape and narrate your story in whatever way inspires you. I can take the hyper-empowered young woman in business kiddo with me forward, or I can take the jaded, grieving former-caregiver redefining her purpose with me. The reality is I take both and vacillate between who I show up as that day/in that context — whether I like it/can control it or not.
A big takeaway I have is so far: that how you show up is always okay. Come as you/I are. That’s what they gonna get anyways lol. I feel p good about this motto.
Update 2: Missing Home(s)
Come August, I jetted across the pond from a ~year-long stint in Seattle, Washington in the US — midway through building new communities, discovering new hobbies, and figuring out this ~fun coming out journey (🏳️🌈 story for another day).
And in short, I miss the homes I was building — in people, in my old space, in my sense of self, and broadly, even in the new PNW culture and way of life. Thankfully, my dad moved me into London, my brother visits every few months for work, and my sister…well she just vibes and bounces around. (Oh, to be young). But thankfully, I still see my nuclear family a bit.
2023 has been the year of all new friends. And I have loved that for me. But sometimes I miss my home(s) in the states. The slow daily walks around the same block of coffee shops and bars in Little Tokyo with my dog-son, Bruno. Therapy calls in Volunteer Park, touching grass. Finding the best taquerias (or just repeating Vallarta’s) in the Mission in SF. I miss the familiar ~liberties of my past life and homes.
Not knowing when I’ll come “home” in the states, missing the big family milestones, and all in all, not knowing who “comes with you” into this next chapter has been giving me the mix of “awww” and “awe.” The ambivalent heart-wrench of letting go of fading friendships, rooting from afar (ref = likes on Instagram lol), or just praying for someone — to the unexpected heart-warmth of hitting it off and spurring new friendships with classmates over topics like theatre, poker, or reminiscent visits in LA — learning about unfamiliar cultures and countries that manifest in people whose stories you get to know over coffee.
It’s exciting not knowing who you get to love and who gets to love you next. (Ik that was kind of dramatic, but well…yeah).
It’s been a vibe :)
Gosh, this is getting random, but as a distracted multi-task in class — not so bad? Sometimes, I get worried when I can hear myself talking in my head too much lol.
Update 3: Saying thank you and good bye to 2023. Here’s what stood out.
Oh man (/or woman/++), 2023! You have rocked. I have been joking (with myself) that the end of November feels more like the end of the year than the end of December feels. Hard to explain, but perhaps fueled by the waves of “pre-nostalgia” (a term I blatantly made up) which leads me to appreciate, miss, and love moments before they’re over.
I think the big things for me have been… 1) Owning my voice (and story to some degree 2) Asking for help as much as possible lol 3) Being + breathing
When I think about 1) “owning it,” I’m brought back to February (was it?) when I returned to my alma mater to speak at Davis Women in Business’ 2-day OWN IT Conference after their virtual Founder’s panel. I am reminded of the students whose journey I get to be apart of in a small way. How it feels to share the uncomfortable, quieter parts of me/my story in a relatively public forum. It feels good to just hear how the story comes out of my mouth — even when my heart hasn’t quite settled/made sense of things yet. It feels honest to let ~the youth know how dreams, values, and life evolve and adapt beyond comprehension — you know for better or worse. Again, sorry for the ambigous drama lol. I am also reminded of the super random (maybe empowering) invitation I received to give a TEDx-style talk at Reaching OUT MBA (ROMBA)’s Out Women in Business Conference in Los Angeles. Similar energy, but super emotionally drained. Not the time for that story.
When I think about 2) “asking for help” as much as possible, I am quite proud of myself. A big area for this was in 3) “being + breathing”
Soooo, it was a year obviously. My mom’s internment, navigating mental health leave, moving twice (Seattle, then London) on top of ya know adult things like work and random curveballs like figuring out your sexuality.
The big game changer was instituting 2–4 mental health/wellness checks per week (ref: therapy, psychiatry, grief support groups, manifestation group). She don’t eff around with mental health, let me tell you. When I was apprehensive about my impending move, maintaining my mental health support was/is my top priority. And so far, I’ve been feeling pretty good about it.
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Anyways, time’s up. Class discussion is getting interesting and wrapping up. Sooo gotta go. Thank you all for reading my random morning musings!
I love you all. Hope you got a laugh. HMU/DM me. Do your thing.
Have a good one. ❤️
— Murry Serafin heh
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