Spoonie Secrets: Issue #3

A safe space for people with chronic illness where they can share untold truths without the risk of being exposed and the fear of hurting the people around them.

Mary Gutierrez
Sep 3, 2018 · 2 min read
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For more details on how this works and the story behind it, please click here.

Trigger Warning: Contains confessions about sexual abuse & suicide

1. I am afraid I might resort back to being agoraphobic.

2. I am so tired with constantly “holding it together”

3. On the really bad days I wonder if my life is worth the pain and suffering. I don’t want to kill myself, but the freedom of non-existence sounds better than this life.

4. I miss who I used to be. This new life may not be worth living.

5. I was raped as a teen, which made it hard for me to understand my worth. My diagnosis empowered me to make a positive impact. Now, I work to empower others.

6. I’m scared that I’ll always have to rely on others financially. I can only work part time. I crave autonomy but it seems out of reach.

7. When we broke up, it crossed my mind that it was partly my fault because I couldn’t give the support that you needed. I had so much physical limitations that I said ‘no’ a lot of times. I don’t believe that thought anymore but I just wanna let it out now.

8. Rumor has it that she was forced to resign because of her illness. Well, I got the same illness. But I’m not telling anyone. I don’t want to lose my job. I just can’t afford to take that risk.

9. When I was in a meeting and I could see a flare coming, I would make up excuses to go out, hide in a cool room and take a pill. I lost count how many times this happened. Amazing, I was so fast to think of lies.

10. I didn’t trust my doctor.

Your Turn

Which confession resonates with you most?

Do you have a chronic illness? What is your deepest secret? If you’re ready to share, send it (anonymously) here.

Did you miss the previous issues? Read Issues #1 and #2.

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