Spoonie Secrets: Issue #7

A safe space for people with chronic illness where they can share deepest and darkest secrets anonymously.

Mary Gutierrez
Nov 12, 2018 · 2 min read
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1. Ever since I refused to be the me I’ve been my whole life I am lost and lonely and desperate. I am jealous of everything and everyone. People can’t stand being around me for long from my negative vibe, depressed mood, and the uncomfortable feelings from my anxieties.

2. Over summer, I quit my job to go back to school. I was so excited! My husband and I were now living on just his income. But eight weeks before graduating with my associates degree, I had to drop the classes; I was falling behind due to a flare the put me in the hospital. I now feel like a financial burden to my husband because we can’t get that money back. I feel like I wasted his money and let him down as a partner.

3. I feel guilty because I know someone is worse off than me when I complain about my symptoms. I can still work and function for the most part but I feel like I’m getting worse and that scares me.

4. I understand no one wants to listen to the agony I feel most of the time. My husband gets angry when I feel worse or have a new diagnosis. He is always thinking of the suffering it will cause him. I wish we could trade places for a day maybe then he could realize how lucky he is!

5. I avoided all the mirrors in the house for about a year. I couldn’t bear looking at the woman staring back at me. She lost a lot of weight and hair. She was pale as a sheet. A very discouraging sight.

6. I used my health issue as an excuse to leave the job I hated.

7. I’ve pushed my body to the limits because I wanted to hang out with you.

8. I doubt some people when they say they’ll pray for my health.

Your Turn

Which confession resonates with you the most?

Do you have a chronic illness? What is your deepest secret? If you’re ready to share, send it (anonymously) here.

Did you miss the previous issues? Read them here.

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