Soul Agreements: healing soul mate relationships

Maryam Hasnaa
Mar 12, 2016 · 12 min read

Before we come into this life we are a part of a consciousness that many refer to as Creative Source or God. The terms do not so much matter as much as the understanding that we come from something that is greater than ourselves, to which we eventually return. Many of us know what it feels like to see ourselves as alone, disconnected, or separated. This is one of the biggest illusions of the material realm. As a Soul or beyond that, as Spirit, we are always connected to all of creation. Still that feeling of separation is one of the most painful that we will all come to know in this earthly realm. It is connected to an original wound at the level of soul where we were “separated” or divided from Oneness. After the original split from Source, we were divided into Soul Groups and then even more division separates us into Soul Family. In this group consciousness we may have spent what would be equivalent to thousands of years in earth time, together, as one. Although in the vastness of our universe this happens in the blink of an eye. These are the beings through which we will learn your greatest lessons.

In order to understand what happens with the consciousness of Soul groups one of the best metaphors I often use is comparing it to the ocean. Soul groups are like one specific current within the ocean. Whereas an individual soul is one drop within that current within the ocean, while at the same time containing the essence of the entire ocean. We are all birthed from one single perspective that is Source(God). Source is seeking to know all potential perspectives of “self”, this is the reason for the division in the first place. In order to understand self, Source is seeing and experiencing expansion through the unique perspective that is you and I. And in order to see ourselves this is done through the eyes of someone else. This is the importance of relationships. Relationships reflect various aspects of who we are back to us in order that we may continue to reflect, grow, and expand our awareness. When you meet people from your soul family you may immediately recognize their frequency as it deeply resonates with yours. These people may feel like home. We come to know them as our soul mates. If the intention of Creator Source is to know every perspective, then we would create the opportunity within a soul mate relationship to experience every possible configuration. Mother, daughter, lover, friend, and so on, even enemy, until we exhaust all perspectives.

In many spiritual traditions it is understood that the people who bring us the most suffering in our lives are a part of our soul group. They are here to help us grow and face all aspects of ourselves. With these souls we create specific soul contracts prior to our incarnation that outline the nature of the work that we plan to do with them. Soul contracts are not always “fun”. Again at the heart of them is the intention for our soul’s expansion. The soul’s journey is really a process of evolving. This means growing in consciousness, steadily progressing through different levels or stages of consciousness. How do we grow in consciousness? Through taking on challenging experiences while we are incarnated in the physical body. Deep trauma that comes from misalignment with truth creates fragmentation at the soul level. The soul can also be overlaid with personalities, veils, delusions, egoic constructs, implants and a variety of other misleading energies We may have lost or abandoned parts of our soul in unconscious soul agreements. These cause us to go soul-searching and inspire us to discover our inner resources. Therefore many soul contracts will be leading us in that direction of wholeness and self actualization through triggering that which is unhealed.

In this realm of duality where we learn through opposites, we have often set the intention to experience expansion that is awakened through contrast. This may mean for example that we would experience several relationships with a person who may not reject us, on our path to self love. We may not be a vibrational match to unconditional love in a romantic partnership coming into this incarnation. Yet the intention and the path to align with true love may be at the very heart of our pre-birth plan. Therefore many soul contracts will be continually leading us in that direction. While we are unconscious we may assume that the synchronicity around the meeting a particular soul mate on our path is in indication that we have found “the one”. This is one of the most common causes of disappointment and confusion in a soul mate relationship. Very shortly after it begins to feel as if this person is here solely to push our buttons. We make this mistake because we do not understand that nature of “attraction” to begin with.

Attraction is based on a variety of different dynamics, many of them quite multidimensional. A lot of people are “in love” but have attracted a soul mate relationship from emptiness, ego, shadow, fragmentation, karma or the subconscious. These types of relationships will always come with harder lessons or disappointment because they were attracted from a lower frequency, Karmic debt or unhealed wounds. This is why it becomes so confusing for people because they are often relating to someone who is mirroring some subconscious part of themself. Often when there is contrast there is polarization. We are all in the process of ultimately trying to fall in love with ourselves and often times those aspects of ourselves that we’re not loving show up in other people. It may take us some time to recognize that the qualities in this other person that we feel strong judgment against are actually triggering something deeply suppressed within ourselves that’s wanting to be reintegrated. We are then given the opportunity to fall in love with what we have rejected within ourselves as it shows up in someone else. This is based on the universal law of like attracts like. We become attracted to someone as a mirror of our subconscious self. We are externalizing and projecting outward that part of ourselves that want to be healed.

The lesson that we are hoping to learn with these soulmate relationships relate to specific unconscious patterns. For example let’s say dating men who are unavailable continuously shows up. Every single time that mirror will become stronger and stronger until we are finally ready to break the pattern. Habits of self-betrayal, compromise, willful ignorance, giving one’s power away, not speaking truth, putting others needs first, self-abandonment in intimate relationships will need to be directly and very lovingly addressed and brought to a greater light. Often this is a reflection of an unconscious pattern that became programmed from a father who was emotionally unavailable. I believe that we choose every aspect of the life we are born into including our parents. Thus explaining the nature of the pre-birth plan where we may live through these patterns of being unloved in order to trigger the deepest desire to experience true love. Herein lies the wisdom of how the universe works to move us along our soul’s evolution.

We often think that we need to break the relationship off with a person not recognizing that it is indeed the pattern that we need to heal. These deeper soul lessons and/or childhood wounds simply end up showing up again with a new teacher. The lessons get more challenging each time until we address the underlying energetic pattern. It takes a very high level of consciousness to address the shadow. Seeing the pattern of unconscious relationship attachments and being willing to step away, be alone and heal is deep medicine. Being willing to give your heart space and time to clear the past before connecting with a new partner is one of the keys to lasting love and healthy organic high vibrational partnerships. If this sounds familiar you may want to engage in the practice of Shadow work.

The Vedas explain there are 7 types of relationships that we experience in our lives which correspond with one of the chakras. The chakra that is most active in your relationship determines your experience and level of growth. Relationships that are ruled by the lower chakras for example tend to experience more challenges and difficulties. Relationships that are ruled by the higher chakras(the heart, throat, third eye, or crown) tend to be more enlightening and harmonious. These higher chakra relationships are the ones where you connect with those souls who are also whole, complete, and have a deep knowledge of self. People who attract relationships with higher chakras have self realization as a focus. These couple experiences deep psychic connections. When there is a desire to bring love, happiness and peace to your partner as well as others, this is a heart chakra based relationship. These types of relationships are a match made in heaven and generally these souls share a life purpose together.

On a higher level we are all one. So when we create soul contracts there’s an understanding that it will benefit both parties as well as Creator Source. We agreed to play this role for one another to deepen our awareness of All that is. This allows us the opportunity to ultimately become more love(God). These deeper intentions become triggered often from painful experiences of perceived lack. Soul contracts serve as some of the most signifigant initiations or rites of passage of sorts into our soul’s purpose. I myself was in a long-term relationship with someone who came with deeply embedded layers of past trauma and unhealed wounds that were unaddressed. I agreed on some level that my work here as a healer would be initiated through this and other relationships with people who are unconscious of their own pain and trauma. I agreed to absorb and transmute their pain just as I had done my entire life beginning when I was in my mother’s womb. I would never understand why I was always so much happier when I was not in a relationship. It wasn’t until I completely healed this pattern within myself that I understood that I had agreed to learn about my own power through these relationships where I was in fact giving my power away.

I learned that the wounded healer archetype is known throughout history as being a healer who takes on other people’s pain and trauma while ultimately sacrificing their own healing path. Once I became aware I stepped into my own sovereignty. I ultimately understood the nature of the soul contract and thus was able to release it on a very deep level for my entire soul family. I was able to move into a place of understanding that doing other peoples work for them is not love and that ultimately that was not serving me any longer. It was at that time that I activated my deepest intention which is to come here in this lifetime and experience true divine love and soul partnership, that the nature of my romantic relationships shifted. I no longer needed to show up in a partnership as a victim, I had learned my lesson. The other person in the soul contract may not choose to examine their own soul lessons however that part is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to show up for self and recognize truth. That means that you have the choice to either remain angry frustrated disappointed bitter and resentful about the way that the relationship was created or to examine it from higher consciousness and release any pain that was created as a result of the challenge that you faced. I learned to express gratitude and appreciation for the awareness that grew from my experiences which ultimately allowed me access to manifesting true love.

The nature of relationships is that it’s very difficult to be objective in seeing who we are. However when another sees us, it is truly us seeing ourselves. That is why these mirrors are deeply sacred. On the most basic level we all have the same soul goal which is oneness. This includes a process of reintegrating all lost parts of our soul, becoming whole, self actualized and uniting with the fullness of all creation. There is a distinction between the type of soulmate relationship when we have a contract where they would push us into becoming self actualized and the type of relationships where we plan to experience unconditional love, support and the type of partnership that will last an entire lifetime. A true spiritual partnership is rare. The latter in fact may not be a part of our soul family. Every relationship that we experience leading us to true love therefore is an equally important part of the process.

We may believe that there is a person who will come into our lives and save us, complete us, or make us whole. This idea could not be farther from the truth. No one outside of you can complete you, not even if they wanted to. We are all ultimately responsible for our own happiness and further more our own salvation. No one can love us enough to make up for a lack of not loving ourselves. These unhealthy beliefs and the unrealistic expectations that we create around them are truly at the root of our suffering when it comes to relationships. Look at yourself directly in the eyes, smile, and speak loving to yourself. Your body was given to you because you had something special to offer the growth of this planet. If you have questions about your life path, speak to your soul before bed and ask to receive guidance in your dream. Spirit is bringing forth what once was very arcane and esoteric knowledge and making it available to the masses. Remind yourself who you are by looking into your own eyes and talking to your soul. Say, I am looking into the eyes of a transcendent being. An eternal soul whose very nature is holiness. I am here for my divine calling.

It is my experience in working with hundreds of women at this point that the most challenging, yet often most important practice in coming to healthy closure after the end of a relationship is remembering to bring the focus back to oneself. Often what happens is the mind goes wild wondering what the other person is doing, going through old emails, checking what the other person is doing online and ultimately beating ourselves up about what we could have done differently. The ego uses these low points as an opportunity to focus on fault and blame. We vaccilate between feeling guilty/ashamed and blaming the other person for not trying hard enough. Often as women we are socialized to see ourselves as the victim even when we may have been the one to end the relationship. This is because we do not allow ourselves to come back home to ourselves. As much as I could list countless techniques and processes for healing past loves the one that I want to emphasize more that anything else is learn to care for yourself. Radical self care for me has been the way that I have been able to dive into my awareness, nurture my heart, connect to my self compassion, find inspiration and ultimately keep my soul intact enough to avoid bitterness after the end of relationships. The answers may not come in the beginning but I guarantee they will come. The more you are able to stay attuned to your higher self the more quickly they will come. Do not attempt to fill any feelings of emptiness with anything outside yourself. Call all of your energy and your power back. Dive deeply into your emotions. Allow yourself to feel everything The cure for the pain is the pain. As rumi says, the wound is where the light enters you. Each time I have done this I have gained priceless insight. This has given me the courage each time to once again be willing to open my heart to the possibility that each new relationship will in fact show me exactly what I need to learn. Keep your heart soft and forgive yourself for needing to learn tougher lessons. Know that our reality is shifting. The very nature of relationships and our definition of a soul mate is asking to evolve and it starts with each one of us. As we are all becoming more conscious and making choices from the wholeness of our being the truth is never far behind.


Hasnaa Tauhidi has been immersed in a world of ceremony and celebration since before she was born. Born to two parents who were teachers of the mystical path of Sufism she found her calling teaching others how to embody their higher self and their soul’s purpose. Born a clairsentient, she has learned the importance of living in alignment with one’s intuition and most divine self. Hasnaa uses her gifts to remind people of the vibrational, energetic nature of this universe. She dances in the realms of metaphysics, quantum law, spiritual law, ceremony, ritual, reincarnation and meditation. She specializes in helping people honor their soul’s highest purpose and their pre-birth plan. Hasnaa incorporates ancient knowledge as well as cutting edge information to intuitively create a program for her clients that will awaken their potential and create deep transformational healing.

Maryam Hasnaa

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do you have stars in your mouth. yes I tell him, come see. Will i die, he asked. yes, i tell him. every time.

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