Whispers in the Dark

Here is my very personal experience about this haunting demon named depression. Sometimes, I feel like I am not the same person anymore, there are moments when I no longer recognize myself and a gradual detachment from the sensation of happiness envelops my being. My eyes are always in search of dark and abandoned places and my ears are always listening to the whispers coming from my brain and even if I am surrounded by my favorite people, I feel like the loneliest person in the room. I have come to this realization that it’s not about the places or people, it’s about me, my heart and my brain, this internal struggle resides within me, but I have zero energy left in me to fight this battle. It’s not like I haven’t talked about this to anyone, but nothing works, and I still feel like I am stuck in a circle and forgot my way back. When I look back at my past, I was certainly not a really happy person, but I used to enjoy moments with my family and friends. But now, nothing seems capable of bringing me a sense of fulfillment. I am fading day by day as a normal person. At times I yearn to wrench my heart from its cage and throw it somewhere so no one can find it. Sometimes I feel like running barefooted on thrones and these feelings are getting stronger and worse with each passing day. As a kid I was the most enthusiastic and full of life in the family but now my brain does not allow me to imagine my future. I am so tired of these same thoughts of not getting anywhere, not getting much appreciation and not being loved the way I love others. It’s not like I am not trying to bring myself out of this phase, but nothing is helping. When I talk with someone about how I feel, their validation of my emotions works for one- or two weeks but then again, my brain takes me back to its favorite place called ‘Pain’. This demon is eating me slowly and I am disappearing.