The Battle…

I’m in a state of unsureness

Unsure about my future

Unsure about my relationships

Unsure about my career

Unsure about my passions

Unsure about my family

Unsure about my past

Unsure about being unsure

There’s a constant battle occurring in my mind

a battle to conform to society’s idea of who I should be

and the battle to fight for who I would like to be

this battle feels bigger than me

It feels like I’m waking up from a superficial dream

In this dream, I follow the rules

I believe in Jesus

I go to school

I get my masters

I get a job

In this dream, I become the independent black woman who holds her own in society

but something about this dream feels made up

it feels unreal

it feels like someone else’s life

it almost feels like a wasted life

So my battle continues

I’m fighting to be my awakened true self

but I’m also fighting to be a part of this society

A society that doesn't believe or condone the existence of my true self

I never thought that being aware of my true identity, would be detrimental to my already existing self

There in lies my unsureness

Who am I versus who I should be?

How do I live a life that’s full of truth

A life that’s true to me and those who came before me

Those who fought for me

Cried for me

Bled for me

Died for me

A life that has real purpose

A life that goes against the norms

A life that has meaning and can transcend through space and time

A real life!

My battle continues…

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