Michelle Obama (code name “Black Lady Diana”) is redefining the term TROPHY WIFE. In fact, she’s SO flawlessly fantastic that she almost makes me feel guilty for raggin’ on her evil Slovenian step-sister. (hold… hold…) I said ALMOST.

I mean, it’s GOTTA suck to be the laughing stock of the country after what was supposed to have been your crowning moment — the Republican debutante ball — turned out to be a debutante-debacle.

But then on top of that to have First Lady Michelle Obama come out swinging on the first night of the DNC dance — all classy and beautiful and moving and inspiring? Well that’s just RUDE!

Michelle Obama makes me feel proud; and not just proud of her, but of her “other half,” as well.

(APOLOGETIC FEMINIST SIDEBAR: Yes, of course a woman is her own person, whole and complete, apart from any other “half,” defined by herself and herself alone, yada yada yada…)Still… a married woman is also a reflection of the man she married, because the kind of woman a man chooses as his life partner reveals a lot about the man.)

It makes me proud that our president has set the bar so high. He has redefined for the 21st century American male what kind of woman they should consider “attractive.” And don’t worry fellas, you don’t need to say goodbye to the concept of the “trophy wife.” You just need to check what kind of contest she’s representing.

Because make no mistake — Michelle Obama is a trophy wife, all right. But she’s the kind of trophy you’d place on the same shelf as a Nobel Peace Prize more than you would, say, a Miss America crown. When most men are content to reach down to the bottom 
of a Cracker Jack box for their matrimonial prize, Barak dug a liiiiiitle bit deeper… and struck gold.

Michelle. She’s our Lady Diana. No doubt about it.

As far as First Ladies go, I’ve never had an opinion one way or the other about ANY of them, save Jackie Kennedy. But she was more than a First Lady. She was in a class by herself, that one. Michelle seems to be following in her footsteps.

Michelle is the first time I’ve admired and respected any First Lady as much as their corresponding Commanders In Chief.

Michelle & Barak are each impressive on their own, sure; but it’s the union of BOTH of them that heals something in all of us- something childlike, perhaps…

But broken.

We’re a generation made cynical by divorced parents, domestic abuse, addiction, and loveless, upper-middle-class marriages standing for nothing except their credit card limits. A successful marriage has become the exception, not the rule. And that’s just your everyday, “working class” marriages. When it comes to marriage in the political arena, we’ve gotten to the point where we ASSUME there’s infidelity between spouses.

I think the benefits our country yields from a happily married presidential pair has been grossly underestimated (that is, if it’s been estimated at ALL)!

I’m too lazy to do any actual research or number-crunching, so if any of you data-nerds out there have anything to share, please do! There may be nothing to my almost-theory (theoryette?) at all, but who knows. It’d be an interesting study to see what, if any, impact a healthy, happy marriage (though hard to define) has on a country’s GNP, and even its (borrowing from the Tibetans) “GNH” (Gross National Happiness).

For me, at least, I not only like the Obamas. I need the Obamas. My mother and father didn’t have a successful marriage for their children to use as a model for their own relationships. So the Barak/Michelle tenderness, their affection, has shown me great possibilities in partnering that I otherwise might dismiss as mere fiction. Their strong union and their unabashed pride in each other has helped in the healing of some of my best broken places. And perhaps, as VP Joe Biden said, thanks to two terms of this administration, I’m now a little bit “stronger in the broken places”

Mama and Daddy are at the helm. We can go to sleep. They’ll protect us. There are no terrorists under my bed. The tippy top of the White House wedding cake is balanced now- yin and yang. Little groom figurine and little bride figurine, holding hands.

Damn I’ll be sad to see these two go. But I’m gonna put a slice in the freezer for safe-keeping.

Now- onto some low-brow Melania-gate videos for your enjoyment.