We are both schizophrenics. All suicides may not come from a place of depression but I am fairly certain a level of depression comes with the trials & tribulations of schizophrenia.
While I was running a medical practice many years ago, a doctor said that one of his patients, a person with ALS was depressed. Uhm, ALS is so totally debilitating that how could you experience it & be, what RELENTLESSLY CHEERFUL maybe?
You work on it though, & obviously try to help yourself. So many people say they feel helpless, but you appear to be both a thinker & a doer. It looks like you pull yourself out, however hard it may be & however long it may take.
And you are still here, because you seem, in the end, to very much want to be.