Career Rules: “Common Sense” or “Best Kept Secrets”

What’s often considered “common sense” is really anything but...

The word “career” sparks some pretty not-so-happy thoughts of college career counselors who “helped” me refine my career path. I vividly remember walking into their office with my updated resume in hand and a list of jobs for which I was hoping to apply.

Despite having plenty of extracurricular activities and a good amount of real work experience, my GPA wasn’t great (3.2) and I knew it might set me back a bit. I was warned by these trusted counselors that my chances of getting a great job out of my local town were quite low. They suggested I get more experience before aiming my sights so high.

I felt written off and ignored as someone who didn’t have enough potential to be given the time of day. I felt like a failure….a failure with a 3.2 GPA. WTF, you might be wondering — I wondered the same thing.

They could have (and should have) done so much more for me. And I could have (and should have) pushed for more attention and guidance. Spilled milk. The past is the past.

I have never been one to back down a challenge …and so I didn’t. After graduation, I moved to DC, took a waitressing job in Dupont Circle and tried to figure things out on my own.

I ended up landing my first internship at a global nonprofit and then an administrative role at a major hospital. Within a few months, I was promoted to Executive Assistant to the CEO and taking on more responsibility than I was prepared for.

But I hated working in a hospital and I felt like the CEO was from an entirely different planet (to put it into perspective, he dictated emails because he lacked typing skills). The job didn’t align with my desired career path on any level and I had only taken it because our economy was in the middle of a crisis and a friend had helped me get the interview.

On a Saturday afternoon with friends, I heard stories of how much they loved their jobs and ways they planned to grow in their career. I felt deflated and sick to my stomach. I knew I was officially back on the job search.

It was in this moment that I realized just how much my career counselors had let me down. I ultimately found myself wanting skills no one had ever told me I would need.

These were skills like how to communicate expectations, set boundaries, ask for more responsibility, advocate on my own behalf or manage interpersonal conflict. They were skill like how to build a network that would help me mind my blind spots and discover new opportunities or how to prepare for a job interview and sell my strengths. Most importantly, they were skills around how to identify my values and find a job that aligned with my own definitions of success.

These skills that I mention are skills that many people expect us to learn through “experience” but no one actually sits down and says “Alright — here are a few tools you can use in these various situations.”

Instead, we’re just plopped into the “real world” and told to figure it out. People with great networks or an ability to learn through trial and error are the first to figure it out. Most other people either bounce from job to job or suffers in silence for years.

What can be done?

Most managers and coworkers understand if a new hire straight out of college lacks a few professional skills before beginning their first job. We’ve come to assume that colleges simply aren’t going to carry their weight.

Within a few months, however, everyone expects these new hires to act in a certain way and be able to take the lead on their career path.

From this point in our careers, it is forever assumed that all professionals know what to say and when to say it. It is assumed that they will know how to ask for what they want, how to advocate on their own behalf, how to give and receive feedback, and how to deal with interpersonal conflict.

The challenge is that expectations change from company to company and even between teams within the same company. As a result, figuring out the ropes in one job might not translate quite so well to the next job.

When “Fake It Til You Make It” Meets Its Limits

Most people are still trying to figure out how to navigate their career. Too often we are forced to “fake it till we make it.” This may work for risk takers (for example, this approach has helped me many times in my career) but there has to be a less painful way for learning how to navigate our careers.

There are very well known best practices that simply aren’t being shared with everyone in the professional world because we’ve created a society where it’s difficult to ask for help in this realm. It’s also difficult for managers to give feedback on something that is supposed to be “common sense”.

To take it one step further, many managers are in a tough spot because they, too, are lacking some of the skills they need to be successful in their job. Again, these can sometimes feel like “common sense” skills. It’s skills like being able to give feedback effectively, make quick and strategic decisions, respond to conflict with neutrality and guidance, or be a good coach for direct reports. Instead, they have to “fake it til they make it” like everyone else.

I’ve always had a relatively high tolerance to risk — but most people don’t. And really, they shouldn’t have to. We shouldn’t feel like we’re taking risks when we speak up in a meeting or ask for a pay increase.

These are normal parts of a career and successful people understand that there’s very little to lose by these basic requests when they are communicated correctly. Learning how to communicate is a more challenging skill than people want to admit. And then knowing that you have the right communication skills is a level of confidence that many of us don’t acquire until much later in our career.

Everyone should be given the opportunity to acquire the skills they need to navigate their career without fear.

I learned early on that the fastest way to make progress in my career was to take full responsibility for the future. This meant avoiding excuses and making it a priority to “know what I don’t know” so I could improve my actions, behavior and decisions over time.

I learned quickly because I was willing to experiment with various approaches (most of which failed) and lean on my small-but-mighty network for guidance and introductions.

A well designed career path involves gathering as much information as possible, sorting that information so its useful, and then experimenting to figure out what works and what doesn’t work.

Fortunately, there’s no need to start from scratch. The people who have come before us have laid out some pretty solid “best practices” for standing out in your career.

Defining the Rules

Successful people understand that they must work hard but also get along well with others in the office. They understand that they can’t control everything, so they focus on what they can control. They understand that certain approaches work better with certain people and experimenting is the only way to figure out what is right. And they understand that communicating clear expectations and setting boundaries is the critical to their personal happiness.

Drafting the “Best Practice” List

I pulled together a list of best practices from personal experience, observation from those around me, examples from clients and, of course, content from smart people on the internet and in books.

If you agree, comment. If you disagree, comment. If I’m missing something here, add it in the comments. This conversation needs to be happening more often and with more people.

1. Find your confidence.

Believe in yourself or no one else will. To gain confidence, try to focus on gaining one strong win…and then another. These will add up over time. If you’re suffering from negative self-talk (quite common), there are plenty of steps you can take to make those voices be a bit nicer.

2. Work hard, and then work harder.

People like to say work smart not hard. You should do always be doing both. To work harder, focus on being more productive with your time. Figure out what keeps you energized and motivated, then double down on it.

3. Strive for excellence.

Excellence comes from figuring out the difference between something that is “good” and something that is “extraordinary.” It’s about making sure to find the best way to approach a problem and paying attention to the details.

Again, if you think it can be better, it probably can be. If you don’t think it can be better, it still probably can be. Understand how your industry or field defines excellence. Who are the best-of-the-best? If your work isn’t as good as theirs, you’re not yet done. And if you’re okay with it being “not as good” then make sure you’re also okay with being a “good enough” employee and not “stand-out-amazing”.

4. Build a strong and authentic network.

We often hear people say that you should build a network so you can find a good job. The truth is that your network is valuable for more than simply helping to land a job.

The further along in your career, the more likely you are to use your network for things beyond your job search. Either way, strong networks are ones that share information that you may not otherwise discover (information which likely came from other people in their network). Sometimes, this information is in the form of a job. If you’re interested in how to build a really strong network that also happens to help you get a job, there are a few great chapters in Designing Your Life. The entire book is pretty darn good for the job searchers out there.

Networks are important so let me add a few thoughts:

Donald Rumsfeld is famously mocked for his report on “known unknowns”, but the man had a good point. In his report, he says:

“There are ‘known knowns’. There are things we know we know. We also know there are ‘known unknowns’. That is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns. The ones we don’t know we don’t know.”

Your network will help you find answers to both your “known unknowns” and your “unknown unknowns”. They’ll also help you determine whether what you think you know is actually fact (often it’s just an assumption).

There’s always the common excuse that certain people get jobs “just because they have a good network”. The reality is that we all have a tool-box that we can access and it’s up to us to figure out how to use it. You will absolutely encounter people who have incredible networks and are able to get interviews more quickly. There are also people who have incredible networks but have no idea how to use it.

If you’re unsure how to use your network, think of it as a favor you’re doing that person in the future. You’re asking for advice and guidance now (Note: not a job). In the future, that person may need to come to you. And if it’s not the exact person, it may be someone else. This is just how it works.

5. Be proactive.

Being proactive is a skill that remarkably few people have and a skill that even fewer people choose to use. To be proactive, think through all possible outcomes. Then try to prevent the bad outcomes and increase the good outcomes by taking steps in advance. This means setting goals, exploring possible alternatives that would lead to a different outcome, and determining which stakeholders to involve early on. Stephen Covey talks about this in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

6. Take the time to build genuine work relationships

I know too many people who think “I don’t care what my coworkers think of me.” I used to be one of them. As my dad always said, “you can attract more flies with honey than vinegar”.

Building trust with your coworkers takes time and energy. Taking the time to lend a hand, ask how their weekend was and grab coffee, lunch or a drink after work — these details matter.

Trust is built in the good times, not the bad times. Having a good amount of mutual respect will help you navigate difficult situations. Eventually, you’ll be in a situation where you and a coworker don’t see eye-to-eye or your team misses a deadline. In these moments, you’ll be glad you have people by your side who respect — and maybe even like you.

While I’m recommending books, I do recommend you read How to Win Friends and Influence People. It was written in 1936 and there are parts that are a bit B.S. but overall it’s a good start.

7. Become a stronger communicator.

Regardless of industry, field, or seniority, great communication skills will simply make your life easier in general. Because every person receives information differently, even the best communicators have room for improvement. If you’re looking for resources, the internet is full of them. Here’s one to get you started. This one is great if you need to assess where your skills are.

Part of being a great communicator is understanding how to set clear expectations and boundaries. If you haven’t read Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, I strongly recommend it.

8. Advocate on your own behalf.

Advocating on your own behalf means determining what you want and then raising your hand for it. Others can’t know your goals if you don’t tell them. When you advocate on your own behalf, it makes it easier for others to advocate on your behalf as well.

9. Ask for Feedback.

Feedback will help you gain a clearer idea of how your actions are perceived by others and will help you become a stronger performer. If you’re not asking for feedback regularly, you should be. At the very least, you should be asking for feedback in your weekly or bi-weekly 1-on-1 meetings with your manager (and direct reports if you have them). Harvard Business Review has a decent article on the subject.

10. Give Feedback.

How you provide feedback will become a part of your professional brand. Being able to structure your feedback in an objective, non judgmental way will go along way toward building strong relationships with you and your coworkers. People at all levels (even interns) can learn how to give feedback in a way that is well received by others. Some people recommend the situation-behavior-impact method. I recommend you experiment with multiple approaches and figure out which one works best for you.

11. Stay curious.

Curiosity is a desire to want to learn. If you’re genuinely interested in a topic, it’s easier to be curious.

Curious people are always looking for a new or better way to do something. And when you’re a curious person, you’re reading and learning about topics even slightly unrelated to your field. This, too, will help you make better decisions.

Being a constant learner will help you make better decisions. For example, you never know when you’ll hear something in a podcast or read an idea in an article, to have it become relevant a few days later in a meeting. The more you know, the more you know.

If you’re struggling to stay on top of industry trends, sign up for relevant newsletters, listen to podcasts or set a calendar entry for a few minutes a day to look at reliable resources.

12. Stay Motivated.

Learn what keeps you motivated and energized — then multiply it. Motivation is a resource that many people do not know how to grow. Staying motivated will make you a better professional in any field.

I find that I’m most motivated after listening to interesting interviews. As a result, I made it a habit to listen to podcasts as often as I could. I’m also more motivated and energized after exercise or a great night’s sleep.

13. Eliminate energy suckers.

Learn what drains you and causes you to lose confidence — then eliminate it. This could be bad habits (i.e., eating bad food, sleeping too little, drinking too much, failing to exercise, etc.) or it could be people in your life. If it’s people, figure out ways to spend time with them that is less draining — or ask yourself if they’re actually someone you want in your life at all. If it’s a co-worker, sometimes switching desks can have a massive impact.

14. Never quit.

Ever. You can change your mind and move in a new direction. But it should be based on new information rather than fear or lack of motivation. If you quit because you’re afraid or because you think other people don’t support you, you’ll never know how much you could achieve.

Next Steps

If you have questions, ping me or leave them in the comments. If you disagree, share why (just please be respectful). If you have new ideas, add them to the comments.

Also — if you’re on the job search and wanting to pick up some of these skills. I am hosting a workshop. You can also find my full-time work here.