Amazeballz Stories Day 14/100: Why I need to stop writing (for you)

I love the way I feel first thing in the morning when I finish meditating and open my laptop to write.

I usually have an idea jumping around the edges of my brain that I have been keeping at bay while I (attempt to) meditate and now I get to let that idea run around the page like a streaker at a sporting event.

My ideas do feel like naked runners some days. They are sometimes unruly and shocking. They surprise me. And other days my ideas are little old ladies lined up waiting for the bus, docile and pedestrian.

My goal is to write them all. To find the truth in all the ideas and share them, old ladies, naked runners and all.

(No naked old ladies. I promise.)

Today I had this thought: I have been writing too much for other people.

Why is this a problem?

When I write for you, I trick myself into a lie. I tell my subconscious “It’s just a little white lie. No harm done.” The lie is in making my idea interesting enough for YOU. I write to YOU.

I write for you because I want a response. I want to have a conversation. I want to influence not just MY thoughts — but YOURS too. I want my writing to matter to you. To surprise you. To interest you. To engage you. So I write for you.

The beautiful irony is that most days my writing gets very few views and literally no comments.

I get it. Message received universe! No one cares that much. And that’s okay.

My writing is not a billboard. It is just a tiny electronic blip amongst a galaxy of blips.

People turn themselves inside out trying to make something that gets noticed.

This bombastic content and behavior gets louder and more polarized every day. We find that the only way to really get attention anymore is to pick a fight with someone important or loudly criticize something in the public eye. Look at the social media posts that are trending. Look at Trump.

I can not and should not ever try to compete with that noise and bluster.

Everything I write is a story. I write stories. True stories.

I write stories about my thoughts — turning vague ideas into clear (er). I write stories which create a narrative around my life and what it means. My writing is how I grapple with the conflict between what I think the world is saying and what is really happening. I write to confront my stories and wrestle them from a powerful and sneaky undercurrent into a conscious act of creation.

I should think and write whatever the hell I want. I will write what is real. I will dig deep to find my truth underneath the story and I write it to confront myself and myself only. I will write when I am angry. I will write when I am excited. I will write about possibilities and hopes. I will write things that make me uncomfortable and things which make me weep. I will write silly stories that make me laugh.

I may post what I write for all to see but at the core — I will write for me.

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Hi! I’m Mary — a chiropractor, a writer, a marketer, and a teacher.

I am the founder of The Art of Story Project, an online business which coaches speakers and content creators to use story to become more powerful influencers.

Press the ❤ below if you liked this story. It means a lot to me. Plus, it helps other people to discover it.

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