Sexual Assault is Only Half the Battle
Learning to cope with the PTSD can last a lifetime.
Kyla couldn’t escape this one guy across her college campus. He was the “big man”; always attending events and getting involved in clubs. Even in empty hallways he was there with his “Vote For Me” flyers plastered on the walls. His popularity tormented Kyla because with every picture, reference and mention, she was shocked back to that moment when he had sexually assaulted her.
Kyla hasn’t said his name in years. Even if I had asked her, off-the-record, as a friend, she wouldn’t have mentioned it to me. She blocked him on social media, so she could avoid seeing his face, but that didn’t protect her from nightmares, where she often relived the assault. These post-traumatic stress symptoms are a few that Kyla experiences from her sexual assault.
When people think of PTSD, it’s mainly associated with veterans. But, about 50% of all PTSD cases in United States come from sexual or physical violence, according to Dr. Karestan Koenen, psychiatry professor at Harvard University. Most of the research about sexual assault, specifically, references women, not men. Dr. Koenen addresses that while all genders experience sexual assault, it is still viewed as a “women’s issue,” since it happens more to women, whereas physical assault, such as mugging, happens more to men.
One in six American women have been sexually assaulted, and PTSD occurs in about 94% of those women, according to Laura Palumbo, communications director at the National Sexual Violence Resource Center. I’ll spare you the math, but recent population data estimates that over 26 million women experience PTSD from sexual assault.
Despite the large number, there is hardly any media coverage on PTSD from sexual assault. The Netflix series, Sex Education, used its character, Aimee, to follow her process of coping after sexual assault. She mimics real and common experiences by avoiding her assault location and finding it difficult to maintain intimacy with her boyfriend. However, no matter how common the symptoms, people aren’t ready to start the conversation.
Erinn Robinson, press secretary for the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, mentions that survivors have just recently become comfortable with speaking out about sexual assault. Adding in the layer of PTSD and mental health concerns could take people longer to grasp because of the extra stigma.
“Mental health and sexual violence can be very difficult for people to talk about,” says Robinson. “Shame, self-blame and stigma can make it challenging for survivors to seek support, especially when they don’t know what the reaction to their disclosure will be.”
Recognizing PTSD can be tricky, considering each survivor’s experience is unique. Symptoms may present themselves in the form of triggered responses, like nightmares, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and avoidance. Many survivors learn to cope by limiting their exposure to triggers.
Isabelle*, a survivor from North Carolina, was sexually assaulted, but immediately left for Christmas break. She was able to clear her mind and suppress her trauma by being back in her childhood home, where she was preoccupied with family and innocent memories. But, when she got back to her campus apartment a month or so later, all the trauma flooded back.
“I couldn’t remember if I washed my sheets before I left, so I cleaned my apartment like crazy,” said Isabelle. “I just didn’t want any remembrance of the assault to strike my memory.”
Since Isabelle was still struggling with her sexual assault one month later, she technically had PTSD. Symptoms of PTSD have to last for at least one month to be clinically diagnosed, and at least three months for chronic PTSD, according to Dr. Koenen. Sometimes, though, women may not even recognize they experienced assault until years later, says Palumbo. PTSD symptoms can still present themselves and go unrecognized during that time.
“Survivors can really struggle to understand that the challenges are a normal and natural response to a traumatic event,” says Palumbo. “Instead, many feel like they’re struggling personally and may be less likely to ask for help or seek additional support.”
It took Catherine, a survivor from Ontario, Canada, a few years to acknowledge her sexual assault and accompanying PTSD. After her assault, she felt a sort of uneasiness around her sexuality, but wasn’t able to attribute the feelings to a specific event. It wasn’t until she heard other people’s stories that she stopped denying her own. Since then, intrusive thoughts that swarm Catherine’s mind prompt flashbacks of the assault.
“I’ve tried to work through my feelings, acknowledging that they’re not my fault,” says Catherine. “While some days I feel I have been able to recover and move on from my experience of sexual assault, some days I really do not.”
Dr. Koenen mentioned that these ebbs and flows with PTSD are normal. While it isn’t well-known why the waves occur, they could be affected by stress levels or recent triggers. Kyla, who has learned to manage her PTSD, will even have breakdowns sometimes, particularly when an unexpected sexual assault scene pops up in Law & Order SVU.
Physical symptoms, like breakdowns or anxiety attacks, can occur in PTSD. Anxiety often co-occurs with PTSD, according to an article by the National Institute for Clinical Excellence, so panic attacks can be a natural progression. Charlotte*, a survivor from New York, recalls the times she would bump into her assaulter on campus and have instant reactions, like a racing heart and hard time breathing. PTSD symptoms, like panic attacks, can significantly alter a survivor’s life by feeling the need to remain on high-alert, according to Palumbo.
“PTSD can lead to the feeling of walking through your everyday life feeling uneasy, stressed about your safety, hypervigilant about your surroundings, and that can make it very difficult to concentrate and maintain your relationships,” says Palumbo.
However, maintaining relationships is exactly what survivors should be doing to overcome PTSD. A strong support system can be the difference between having chronic PTSD or not, according to Dr. Koenen. Charlotte told her roommate about her sexual assault immediately after it happened, and received instant support. Charlotte’s friend assured her that nothing was her fault, and was there to help if Charlotte needed some.
When Kyla opened up to her friends about her assault, they found the story hard to believe. Her assaulter was virtually perfect on the outside, so how could he have possibly done something so horrific? Eventually, they found Kyla’s “baggage” to be too heavy and left her with no one to confide in. All alone, she started asking herself, “Was it me? Was it my fault?”
Self-blame increases the likelihood of PTSD in sexual assault survivors, according to a study by Nora Kline. For instance, while self-blame is a normal process, influential networks may reinforce that blame, making it harder for a survivor to cope with and manage the trauma. So, it’s no surprise that when Kyla considered telling new people, she was triggered by the memory of her friends who didn’t believe her.
Even though she was experiencing trauma related to telling her story, Kyla reported the incident to her university and faced her assaulter in a case hearing. His fraternity brothers called him “a great guy,” insinuating he would never have assaulted anyone. In the end, he wasn’t expelled or suspended, but was simply dropped from running for student government president; a small price to pay for not only assaulting Kyla, but for also stealing her virginity.
Something that many people look forward experiencing, or intend on saving for someone they trust was taken from Kyla without warning. In fact, a study indicated that about 7% of American women lose their virginity from assault. Kyla wasn’t going to let her assaulter take away her power and womanhood, though. She decided along with her therapist that her virginity was still intact until her first consensual time, but that would involve her being able to explain her assault to her partner, which was a trigger.
Intimacy is difficult and getting back into relationships after assault can feel daunting. Catherine’s PTSD made it difficult to open up emotionally. In relationships, she took longer to trust someone and to be able to open up about her feelings in a comfortable space.
On the other hand, Charlotte experiences sexual obstacles with her current boyfriend. Since she was assaulted via ‘stealthing,’ or when a partner removes a condom without consent, Charlotte has a hard time feeling turned on, unless she knows a condom will be involved. The thought of sex without a condom can turn her off completely, making an intimate moment bring back painful memories of her assault.
Isabelle put off sex entirely after her assault. She had no desire to be intimate with anyone because she worried about feeling powerless and vulnerable again. She decided concentrating on herself was the best way to cope and move past her experience in that moment.
“I’m not focusing on relationships at the moment,” said Isabelle. “Instead, I’m surrounding myself with good people and good activities that won’t lead to any kind of dangerous situation.”
Having support systems are great, but also having friends who might not know about the trauma can help survivors clear their mind. When Isabelle was assaulted, she called her sister. She didn’t tell her sister, but just felt comforted by her sister’s voice, and the conversation took her mind off of what happened.
Kyla did quite the opposite and dove head-first into her trauma. She became an activist for survivors in similar situations. She began spreading information by hosting workshops on campus through her initiative, Operation SASH (Sexual Assault Stops Here). She even spoke out about sexual assault and violence for C-SPAN on Capitol Hill during the Women’s March in October 2018.
Having a voice helps Kyla give back by letting women know that they aren’t alone. That’s what ultimately helped Kyla, Isabelle and Catherine. They all found out on their journeys that other women struggled through similar situations. Kyla met two women who were attacked by the same man, Isabelle confided in her friend who was assaulted, and Catherine listened to her friends’ experiences. If those survivors overcame their obstacles, then these ladies can, too.
“Not every day will be the same,” says Kyla. “You might wake up one day and be perfectly fine, and another day might not be the best, but it’ll always get better. Even if you have bad days, every storm runs out of rain. That’s what keeps me going.”
*Names have been changed to respect privacy of sources.
If you have experienced sexual assault, or are experiencing mental health issues related to sexual assault, call the free and confidential National Sexual Assault Hotline (1–800–656–4673), open 24/7.
