How I found out I had cancer!

Mary Philstetler
Nov 5 · 4 min read

January 8th, 2019, my coworker and myself headed to Boston. We were staying overnight in Boston because we had an early flight. My wife and I were Keto eaters so when I “cheated” and ate fries, I of course Snapped a picture to her. We returned after dinner to the hotel and headed to bed pretty early because we had a 6am flight to Guatemala.

We woke the next Morning and gathered our things and took the shuttle to the airport, we met up with everyone, ensuring the crew was all there. We met up with the organizer of the program and loaded additional bags with medical supplies in them. We proceeded to get checked in and bags checked. Pictures were taken as a group and sent off to all that would care and just waited for the flight, everyone giddy with anticipation of the week to come.

The first leg of the trip was fine, once we landed in Miami, we decided to eat a sit down meal. I stayed Keto and ate eggs and bacon! Once we were situated, we made our way to the gate. All was fine, right up until the moment I was telling my wife I loved her and that I would call when I landed in Guatemala. Just as I was about to turn my phone off, the phone rang. I looked at the number and recognized the number as my doctors office. I knew they were not calling to wish me safe travels.

A bit nervous, I answered, at this point we were backing out of the terminal on the tarmac. “Hello,” I said with a full of denial sense of why they were calling. The provider on the other end had clearly not delivered this kind of news before because her voice shook more than mine. Nearly the worst part was that she had no idea how to explain the report. She did not do her due diligence and call the radiologist and ask how to explain the report.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month is October.

You see there were words like “suggestive of metastatic” and “triple negative.” I immediately called my wife and told her, not having long to talk it was paralyzing to shut the phone off. Thankfully I was not sitting with any of my fellow travelers, they needed to just be excited for the trip. Again, thankfully there was WiFi I paid for and continued to text my wife and sister. We used our resources and were able to get someone to explain the report. While is was not a lot clearer, it was a bit more reassuring.

What was as insane as any other part of this, was the doctors office that I had to call for an oncology appointment, was very matter-of-fact and scheduled me for an appointment one month away! I was like, wait what? I cannot wait a month to understand what all this means!!! I was lucky enough to be able to get that changed to 4 days later by calling in a favor.

I am reverting for a moment. Literally what kept running through my mind was that I was eating just a bit ago laughing and chatting and now I have a life altering diagnosis. Just like that! Life was forever changed. The fear set in IMMEDIATELY! Thoughts racing in my mind, “I am not ready to die; I am not ready to leave my wife and kids; I have so much more to do.” The thoughts just raced from one to the next, as tears streamed down my face. Then the feelings went to anger, “how could that provider dare call me with a complete lack of preparedness to answer questions; how could my body fail me; why me.” I was literally scoffing to myself as I thought that, “why me?” I was like seriously is it just innate to go there? Like there is no passing go to collect $200, I went straight to “why me,” and I am here to say, YES, you do! Your mind just thinks it and boom, why me?!!!

Self explanatory

The flight from Miami to Guatemala seemed like forever, then to land in Guatemala and have to get our bags and then get ourselves collectively as a group to the bus and then ride nearly 5 hours to the hotel, literally felt like days! I was clearly distracted and fellow travelers concerned. I made the decision to leave and return home and because of cost, I had to wait two days. However, that is a story for another day.

It is funny to be writing about this, I have felt it and talked about it, but didn't realize it would feel so cathartic to write and get it OUT! Follow me here for more or you can follow me on my VIP FB page.

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