What is your child's reality?

Mary Philstetler
Nov 1 · 3 min read

Our boys were adopted. One of the boys came into our lives at 31 hours old, at that point his older brothers were 3 & 4. From the start, the suddenness of their brothers arrival was traumatic right from the start. While our middle guy rolled with it a bit more than the oldest, it was work for him. Their reality is that they deal with inner struggles due to the trauma they sustained.

Adoption

One of the most difficult problems is that there are more kids needing homes than Foster Families. I know this because we had calls for placements even though they knew we had three children already placed with us. It broke my heart to say no but our plates were full as it was.

Their reality included our older child having therapy appointments, medication appointments, and he had been kicked out of two preschools. He suffered from PTSD, anxiety, and Reactive Attachment Disorder. The middle child was mostly easy going but required speech and reach appointments; he was later diagnosed with PTSD, transition disorder with behavioral componant and anxiety. The baby also had reach services for a year because of reflex issues and muscular rigidity. Just managing the behaviors of the older two and their difficulty with sleep was a lot. All this and to boot the baby had repetitive horrible upper respiratory infections to the point that sometimes we would end up in the ER.

Our reality was that they were easy to fall in love with so all the juggling was just a part of our family life, however, no one prepares you as a foster parent or as an adoptive parent. They do not tell you how to advocate for them or how hard getting them help would be. The amount of time I have spent on the phone explaining our children's stories is far longer than I can count. Don’t get me wrong, I would do it all again! What I am saying is you either have to know how to advocate or be a very quick study.

Our Boys!

Being a nurse, thankfully I had learned the art of advocation because I advocated for my patients a whole bunch! Having to advocate for our boys began very early on with seeking services through the Department of Children & Family (DCF) and also for educational needs like Individual Education Plans (IEP).

The long and short of it is that the system is broken, the DCF workers have too many cases and there are not enough safe homes for the kids who need it. If you have ever been curious about fostering or even being an emergency overnight placement, click here. There is even just wake up at 2a and give a child a place to sleep option. All of these types of safe spaces are needed. We are forever grateful that our boys are with us. We love them more than words can say. Our lives are forever changed, in so many good ways! Click here if you want to learn more about a lot!

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