Joanne, there’s not much I can add to what Erimian has said. But, I want to be encouraging in the same way she is. Life is tough, and no one knows that better than you do.
What happened to you is unspeakable. And, the knowledge that “what goes around comes around” is not of much comfort or help to you right now. I am not saying this in regards to revenge…I am saying it in regards to learning through our life’s experiences and actions. Your ex-husband has much to learn as he goes through a lot of learning experiences. Regardless, you are left on your own in this sorry state of being to find your way.
Yes, like Erimian, your plight fills me with anger. Perhaps you have been angry and the anger has worn you down…I don’t know. But, in your shoes, I’d be so angry I’d determinedly find my way back.
Your shamanian understandings should be a big help to you, as you understand human spirituality. You know that everything that appears to be solid in life, including our bodies, is in actuality nothing but energy. And, the smallest sub atoms of our bodies’ energy are in constant motion. This is how we are able to heal from all kinds of traumas, from hang nails to even the worst injuries. And, it is the reason why none of us appears as we did even five years ago. You know you can use your spiritual power to change your bodily “reality” into something that is healed and better. And, in so doing, you should be able to relieve your pain. As Jesus, who taught spirituality said however, it will take a lot of faith in your ability as a spiritual being in a body to do so. He knew himself so well, he never got ill and was able to heal other people.
Most people have no idea who they really are and what kind of extensive power they have over themselves and their lives. You and I do. This is where you proclaim who you are and make changes. We are not weaklings. I’m with you in this life struggle, and supportive of you becoming your best. You do not have to succumb to the physical power someone else had over you, nor do you have to succumb to the physical limitations that are known on earth. Please meditate on this truth till you can walk it.