I thought I had everything under control — here’s how admitting I’m powerless set me free
“I need sex.” He stood in the doorway of our sunroom. His face was soft but cinched and tight at his brow.
The single thin line of his words sliced through me like I was nothing. And I felt like nothing.
Again.
This was the crux of it. This was the one thing that our relationship kept pivoting on, the fulcrum that never seemed to hold us straight and balanced. Now, after months of arguments and “discussions,” after finally making “progress,” it juts between us again.
I looked away and down, breathing slowly, audibly. I focused on the sound, on…
Trust — it’s the little things we do, or don’t do, that build or break the connection.
One of my all-time favorite movies is Moulin Rouge. I love the music, the cinematography, and I love the characters, their simplicity, their honesty and faith. Their freedom was born out of their love for one another, out of their vulnerability and acceptance, out of their trust.
In my 20’s, when I first saw that movie, I wanted that same rebellious and raw throw-it-to-the-wind kind of love, where there are no conditions, just certainty and safety. I wanted, more than anything, to feel that I could trust someone to love me that passionately and unconditionally.
Movies make it look so…
It destroys marriages, careers, friendships… Here’s what we can all do about it.
Be honest — we all tell lies, and we’ve all told some pretty big whoppers at one time or another. It’s human nature. It’s fear.
The biggest lie we all tell, though, isn’t something we tell another person; it’s a lie we tell ourselves. And somehow, even though we’re the ones lying to ourselves, we still believe it… hook, line, and sinker. …
Here’s how we built our fire
He rolled over and lay his head on my chest.
I could feel his breathing, his rise and fall. Last night we had an argument, an argument we’ve had before and will have again. But the night washed over us, made the world foggy and distant. The only thing close was our skin.
“I need to kiss your breast…” His voice was soft, deep, I could feel it rumble in my chest. The 6 am grog hadn’t left my body yet. I didn’t think, I just lifted my shirt, and his is mouth found me. His lips and tongue cupped…
Today, I love my imperfect body; I’m sexy, strong, and healthy, but I didn’t always feel that way. Here’s how it happened.
“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.” -Leonard Cohen (Anthem)
For a very brief moment, when I was in first or second grade, I fell in love with running. It was one day, one run, and that was it. A lost love in every way…
“Let’s do this every day!” I cheered with sweat beading on my forehead, but Michael…
All family parties can be tough no matter what the occasion. Here’s how I get through them and how you can too.
“I’ll…. be home… for… Christmas… You… can count… on me…” Sinatra’s familiar voice is deep and rich as it fills my living room. I choose to listen to the same songs every year because they bring back the feeling of mystery and wonder that I recall from my childhood… Laying on my back under the tree in our dark living room, looking up at the twinkling lights in the forest of branches and decorations above. These songs would fill my head, and my mind would run in every direction of color and magic. …
We all get nasty responses to our stories.
We can’t please everyone. But when a reader takes the time to read and comment, that means you hit home, even if home is painful.
Most of the comments I receive are wonderful. They’re from readers who thank me for being honest and raw, for reflecting their feelings, for helping them in some way. These comments warm my heart. They’re one of the main reasons I write such deeply personal stories.
I’ve felt so alone at times, and just hearing another person’s story has meant the world to me. …
We planned a trip to Disney World with my mom to celebrate her cancer remission, but days before, she was admitted to the ICU…
“What’s wrong? Everything OK?” My father rarely calls, and never calls in the morning, so I knew this wouldn’t be good.
“No… it’s not.” He sighed hard. “She’s sick… Your mother.” His voice was stern and tight. He’s never been one to express his emotions outwardly, but I can always hear it… the shift in his tone… his cadence…
In 3 days, we were scheduled for our whole family to leave on a flight for Disney World, but now that wasn’t going to happen… and I didn’t know if it ever would.
This wasn’t how today was supposed to go.
…
I was ready to change jobs, but the timing was unexpected. We have bills, a two-income life, and fear is hitting home… but I still have choices.
“It’s done… my job… I need to find a new one.” My husband wrapped his arms around me. He knew I would tell him this. I knew it too, but now the reality struck like a wave of fire and ice. What would this mean? …For me? …For us and our family? The ground began to sink beneath me.
Shit! do I really want this? I want and need a job… but this? …Two weeks passed, and already I was faced with a job offer. Great! Right? I wish it were that simple… I’ll literally never see my family. The…
I’ve had depression & PTSD for most of my life. Now after another trauma, here’s how I’m breaking free —
I looked up, and that cold sudden drop dragged through my chest and stomach again… Shit! What am I forgetting?
Everything in the amusement park was in motion, loud and swirling. I was there and I wasn’t. I felt translucent, almost, walking among the bits of scattered voices, crying babies, angry parents… The 80s’ electro-beat Take On Me by Aha floated through as we passed the roar and screams from The Sea Serpent coiling overhead. My feet were firmly planted on the wooden planks of the pier, but my body kept feeling the fall, over and over.
We wound our…
Mary Wise
Poetry and personal stories from past lives. Writer, editor, teacher, photographer, and RN. I live in PA with my husband and two children.
