Ready, set, breathe.

“Hold your horses”. That’s the single best piece of advise I’ve given myself.

As designers, we feel this overwhelming sense of responsibility towards people because what we design goes on to make or break someone’s experience. You feel a deeper connect especially when you’ve heard those voices for real, through a research sitting or a customer call. And with that comes the side effect of unknowingly holding onto our own idea, very dearly. Why? Because we believe we have their best interest. What’s forgotten? There are 10 others who feel a similar same sense of responsibility. And 10 others from perhaps a different context as yourself.

But this isn’t about coming up with flows and pixels. This is about relationships. It’s easy to toss away someone else’s perspective because you don’t see it, at the instant it was stated. So what do you do?

Breathe.

And understand this to be an opportunity, not an obstacle.

Next, communicate. With yourself. And the other.

What’s the other side of the story that you never realized existed? Reflect upon why you might’ve not gotten the response you expected. Why didn’t your point get across? Or may be you thought it didn’t.

Let’s untangle that —

a) Truly 100% strive to understand the other perspective — without any prejudice or bias. Understand the motivations of the one in front of you. What was their thinking behind the suggestion (that perhaps got you triggered). It’s in the details you’ll find a solve. How? First, by expressing that you want to understand, not at the surface level, but at the core of it all. Ask ‘why’. The 5 whys, may be? Sometimes it’s in front of us all along — but we’re too self absorbed and too soon to judge. So do yourself a favor, reflect, and then ask.

b) Articulate your truest motivation — your why. Put your intention forward. Communication is a 2-way street after all. You might’ve spent a bunch of time and effort coming up with the final distilled version that you decided to put across. Double click on your motivation. Could be as simple as “people expressed frustration while filling out this form, and I want to remove that frustration”. This makes it easier to go back to the goal and come up with a way that’s perhaps better than anyone single-handedly would.

c) Double click on the details. The devil is always in the details. Perhaps you have some evidence, research, literature, constraints. Perhaps the other side has a bunch too. Lay them all out, so it’s easier to understand the landscape and make that next informed decision.

Hold your horses. Lay those bricks out for that bridge. No jumping to conclusions. Prejudices, move aside. Understand why another perspective exists. That’s empathy. It starts there. It’ll show in your work.