When your girlfriend starts farting in front of you, is it the end?

So you’ve been with your girlfriend for several months, even years but when is it acceptable for your girlfriend to fart or (break wind in front of you). Or is it unacceptable under any circumstances?

I have to say when my girlfriend farted in front of me for the first time I was a little surprised, taken back and even mildy disgusted. Of course I had been farting in front of her for years. In fact I used to find it mildly amusing to break wind under the bed covers, pull the covers over her head whilst she was asleep and watch the nasty whiff do it’s work.

However, it’s fine for men to fart in front of their girlfriends right? Why not? I mean there’s nothing funnier than farting silently in the Car and waiting for the response of your girlfriend as she slowly catches the scent and turns around with the normal look of disapproval (with some acceptance, considering you have probably done it one thousand times before).

Of course when I say there is nothing funnier than silently farting in front of your girlfriend in the Car or farting under the bed covers. I have to say I did find it rather amusing when I was at the cinema with my girlfriend with a box of popcorn on my lap and I discreetly put my willy through the opening at the bottom of the box. Let’s just say she did get quite a surprise when she took her next handful of popcorn.

Anyway when my girlfriend did start farting in front of me she started by doing it with feminine style and finesse with an “oh sorry, that must have slipped out” or denying it was even her in the first place, but how many times can you blame a dog really (poor old George). Of course I used to fart with style but not in the same way. I found it much funnier to lift my leg and fart with as much noise as possible. I mean if you’re going to fart, you might as well make every one count right?

Well this is how I thought until my beloved partner went from the feminine, girly and discreet “oh sorry, that must have slipped out” to openly farting as loudly as she could with as much style and smell as I had managed to achieve in our five years of ‘togetherness’.

I mean how dare she! It’s not allowed. It goes against everything that I was brought up to believe. My mum didn’t fart, my gran never farted (ok maybe she did,) but she was old, she was allowed to. Of course my dad farted, but that was how it was supposed to be. That’s how it’s always supposed to be. Isn’t it?

However, regardless of her constant farting and believe me once she started it was like a freight train. It was as if five years of farts had been building up and suddenly the dam had burst, the plug had been pulled out and she felt FREE, relieved and able to express herself like she had never been able to do before, all through the hole in her arse (lady area).

I really knew things had taken a terrible and irreversible backward step when she even started to do fart jokes on me. I mean that was my job, it was normal, I found it funny. I mean how dare she fart into an empty packet of crisps and then ask me what flavour I thought they were. That was my job (although I had to admit I hadn’t thought of that particular joke).

But I still loved her. Regardless of the farting, the nasty smells and the occasional fart jokes. In fact as much as I hated to admit it, we actually had more in common. Once I had accepted that she was farting now, and nothing was going to stop her, we started sharing fart jokes and we started laughing together.

I had to admit that when I was on the receiving end of a particularly unpleasant and unnecessarily smelly fart passed from my partner’s lady area it did reduce the amount that I farted around her and where I farted (so now i’m far less likely to fart under the bed covers or fart into my cupped hands and press it over her nose knowing there’s a new player on the scene).

So take note the next time you fart in front of your girlfriend as it could be the start of a new phase in your life, a smelly and enlightening new phase where everyone is equal and no prisoners are taken. But it’s not the end, far from it. Just think about it. Lets face it, when your girlfriend becomes your wife, a mother and then grandmother and one day when she is ninety years old and she has lost all ability to remain continent and farts (without knowing it) you will be used to it, it won’t be a surprise, and you will still love her regardless (most of the time).

So my girlfriend and I are still together. The farting is still an ongoing part of our life together and will continue to be as long as we have a hole in our arse.

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