How Great Parents Parent in Sports

Save your applause and congratulations people, shy of 22 years of age, I just started dating for the first time. And I’ve learned a quick lesson that you know as well. Love “foggies” the mind. When you have heavy feelings for somebody, rationality and wisdom seems to say, “See you later!” And that’s the beauty of relationships. This same principle applies to any loving relationship.

In the “cloudiness” of love, it’s important to step back and consider the ramifications and consequences (good or bad) of each and every decision. For parents who have children in athletics, here are a few questions worth questioning:

What are you emphasizing and wanting for your child? Are you wanting your child to play more? To score more points? To start on the team because then they’d have a better senior year of high school? These aren’t bad intentions, but if they are primary intentions, they are poison.

The best parents I’ve known do the following:

- Stay out of the relationship with the coach as much as possible:

They don’t make suggestions on the lineup, don’t criticize the coach (unless it’s truly a bad situation), and don’t speak to the coach for their child. I know all coaches would agree with this: If parents would 100% support the coach and players, their child would benefit. Our culture needs to do a better job of yielding to authority.

- Are honest with themselves and their child:

It might be true that Lindsey or Jack really aren’t that great of athletes. And that is totally okay. Don’t act like their LeBron James. Kids don’t have to be the star athlete to benefit from what sports offer. Remember playing careers end, but the lessons learned from the field or court last a whole life.

- Give no time to jealousy or comparison:

I said things like this as a student-athlete, “I’m working hard everyday and haven’t missed one training session. Marcus, however, has attended one session and is very lazy. He plays more in the game than me. How can that be!?” Honestly, it makes sense. Some teammate might be lazier than the athlete, show up less, and still get more playing time. That is slightly messed up, it really is, but it’s the way life works. For me, I wish I could have would have said this in those times instead: “Sure, he doesn’t show up, but am I bringing it 100% everyday? I can do even better. Am I truly almost as good as him to start over him? What can I do to put my team in a better situation to win? I’m up for the challenge.”

- Support, don’t change, in challenges:

What I mean is this: It’s hard to see anybody, much less people we love, face a challenge. My mom did a great thing my sophomore year of high school when I came home from practice several times. She didn’t try to change the circumstance. Quitting nor transferring was a word spoken (transferring was after the season). In the time of challenge, she encouraged me to remain diligent with a high work ethic, and at the end of the season, if we needed to reevaluate something, we would. I think her mindset was, “How can we beat this situation? Not escape it.”

- Don’t see transferring as a solution:

Many athletes truly do benefit from transferring schools, if there is truly greater opportunity. However, today way too many parents and players subscribe to the philosophy that “If you aren’t getting what you want, go somewhere else. They’ll have it.” As opposed to, “Work harder, smarter, and get rid of your negative attitude and be positive. Maybe the coach isn’t playing you for good reason.”

- Understand Private Lessons Don’t Buy Success:

After speaking with a coach from Minnesota, he and I both noticed a lie a few parents we’ve interacted with believe. That’s if I buy my daughter pitching lessons, or my son shooting lessons, they will be the star on the team, or at least start and play a lot. The truth is lessons help (most of the time, be careful who you put your child with), but they don’t buy success. They buy an opportunity, a chance, for the athlete to become more successful.

- Say this one thing after their child plays:

“I loved watching you play today” (Morgan Wootten). Kids have enough people criticizing them: Coaches (oftentimes beneficial), teammates (sometimes beneficial), and parents (rarely beneficial). Young athletes need to know they have people in their corner who enjoy watching them play and are happy that they are a part of a team. When a parent says these words, athletes are reminded that “Mom and dad are always in my corner, no matter how I play.” And that’s amazing.

Parents and athletes, what are your thoughts? What are the things you’re glad you did, and maybe what are some things you knew you could have done better!

Until Next Time,

Mason Waters

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