How NOT to go about recruiting talent in Silicon Valley

Among the many messages I receive regularly from recruiters on LinkedIn, some decent, some outstanding, and some really bad, this one that landed today stood as as an exemplary NOT-HOW-TO.

It had the following gem:

Please review the job description below and if interested please attach your resume, include your salary reuiements [sic], work status in America, availability for a phone interview on Monday and Tuesday next week and a short synopsis of how you qualify for the job.

The first thing that jumped at me was the typo in “requirements:” this yields me two key pieces of information: this person cannot handle multi-syllable words and is not even capable of using a spell checker.

The next glaring issue (bordering on “trolling”) was the request to “attach my resume” — let’s pause for a second and reflect on the fact that we are on freaking LinkedIn: my “resume” (does anyone still use them?) is right there, in front of your eyes, you dumbass!

If that were not enough trolling, then came the best part: she wants me to tell here why I “qualify for the job.”

Yes, you read that right: the recruiter wants me to do her work for her (note for the unwary: contracting recruiters, when submitting a resume to the client must draft a note to explain why they think the candidate was worth further attention — they can’t just shove off 100’s of “resumes” and be done with it).

Let us leave for a second aside the fact that it is actually I that would like to know why I should spend another second looking at the position, but the message lacked:

  1. any indication as to which company this was for;
  2. what business / market this role was for;
  3. what customers (Enterprise? Consumer? B2B? Online?) this was aimed for.

How on earth am I supposed to figure out whether this is something I’d be awesome at?

All we are told to gauge our “qualification” for the job was that it involves:

Manage and inspire 10–15 developers in our […] offices, across multiple project-based teams: conducting performance reviews, holding regular 1-on-1 meetings, providing career guidance, professional development, and mentorship. Work with business and engineering leadership to define and execute on an API strategy for our technologies.

Earth-shattering, right? who’d have guessed that an Eng management role would involve “1-on-1 meetings, providing career guidance, professional development, and mentorship”?

Really, am I qualified for that? how would we know?

Oh, right — yes, indeed: we are on frikking LinkedIn: just look at my eff’ing profile and you’ll see, right there, I’ve been doing that for the past 20 years!

But, no — we need to write the “short synopsis.”

And, incidentally, WTF does this even mean?

execute on an API strategy

I could go on, but really, I think you get the point.

Dear recruiters — please get your act together, avoid just spamming people, stop doing keyword search, don’t just fling out messages, spend some time thinking about the kind of people your company needs, and read the profiles!

And, please, most important of all…

Please respect our intelligence.

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