How to Heal from Heartbreak — For The Impatient Soul
Whoever you are, you are brave to have ventured out into the daunting world of dating. And you are not alone. You are here, ready to heal yourself so that once again, you can do it all over to eventually find the one.
As impatient as you may get, it will take time to regain your A-game. I know that feeling all too well so I decided to share how I climbed out of the breakup slump.
Give Yourself Time & Try Not to Schedule
I know for a fact that some of you high achievers out there are thinking to yourself right now: I need to be back to normal in 3 weeks. You will try to be productive looking for 101 ways to heal, crossing them off on your list as you “accomplish” them. The third week approaches. A wave of exhaustion sweeps through your body, defeated by how you have not healed.
Heartbreak heals differently than a broken arm. If only a doctor could wrap a cast on it and tell you to come back in a few months when it fully heals by itself. The mind does, however, heal on its own after a breakup in a well-known pattern, the 5 stages of grief. Your mind processes breakup grief the same way as it would a death in your family. The time it takes varies from person to person.
5 Stages of Grief
A Swiss psychiatrist, Kübler-Ross first introduced her five-stage grief model in her book On Death & Dying. Different people will grieve in a different order however, this is the best model I used as a basis to understand my own grieving process.
You are a blessing and a special human being. Sadly, this will not exempt you from having feelings.
Feelings will be cumbersome to your productivity but holding it in is another demon in itself. After experiencing the death of an individual whom I greeted on a daily basis, I pretended that everything was fine. I thought I had to stay strong. The next day, my body shut down, I had no choice but to tuck myself in bed for two days. My body decided a cold was a good antidote, a way to tie me down and force a mental recovery. I reflected and let myself feel everything I needed to. I learned that I can only stay healthy by processing.
Instead of rationalizing, the moment I glimpse a negative emotion rolling in, I open the flood doors. Let the tsunami hit. I cry, journal, talk to friends about it.
Allow yourself to be “unproductive” so that you can stay healthy mentally and physically. This might go on for a while but eventually, you will have enough strength to move on.
When you are feeling, you are healing.
Learn from This Experience
After the whirlwind of emotions dwindles to a light gust, let yourself reflect on the potential lessons.
During reflection, you will learn more about your needs and opportunities for growth.
Maybe you fall too fast. Maybe you need time to figure out who you are and what you really want. Maybe now you understand how to take care of yourself better. Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline — sorry, bad joke… but you get my point that there is a lot to learn. Use this as a catalyst to gain better insight about yourself.
From there, try something different, meet new people, and pour yourself into it. For me, it was blogging where I fell in love again, but this time with the art of writing.
It gets better. I know you can do this. Train wreck city is just a drive by and soon you will see a better version of yourself leaving the place, smiling at the memories, knowing no regrets.