How To Find Real Love: 8 Essential Post-Date Questions You Must Ask Yourself

Embarking on the quest for a life partner is a journey that extends beyond the mere act of dating. It involves introspection, understanding and a deep dive into the dynamics of your romantic encounters. In this complex process, reflection is as integral as the experience of the dates themselves.

Logan Ury, a Harvard-educated behavioural scientist turned dating coach, is renowned for her research on modern dating. She has done profound research on decision-making in love and effective dating strategies. She developed the “Post Date 8” questions, a powerful tool for introspection after a date that helps guide you through the process of evaluating your date on future potential..

These questions are not just about evaluating the person you went on a date with; they’re about understanding your reactions, feelings and the dynamics between you and your date. By reflecting on these aspects, you gain insight into what truly matters to you in a relationship, beyond superficial traits.

The “Post Date 8” questions to ask yourself after a date:

1. How did I feel in their presence?
   Reflect on your emotional state during the date. Were you at ease or restless? Did the conversation spark joy and excitement, or leave you feeling indifferent or bored? Assess whether you felt a sense of confidence and authenticity in their company.
2. Did I feel listened to?
   Evaluate if your date was attentive and showed genuine interest in what you had to say. Were they proactively listening to you showing real interest, or did they seem distracted and disinterested?
3. What side of me did they bring out?
   Consider if your date encouraged positive aspects of your personality. Did they encourage positive traits such as kindness, humour, intelligence or spontaneity in you? It’s important to be with someone who brings out the best in you.
4. Did they make me laugh?
   Laughter is a key indicator of comfort and connection, which is crucial for long-term compatibility. Did your date’s sense of humour align with yours, and did it contribute to a light-hearted and enjoyable atmosphere?
5. Did I feel attractive in their presence?
   Self-perception in the presence of your date is key. Did you feel confident, valued, and appreciated, or did you find yourself feeling insecure or overlooked?
6. Was there something about them I found intriguing?
   Identify any unique or compelling qualities in your date. This could range from their perspective on life, passions, or the way they handle conversations and situations.
7. Did I feel energised or drained after the date?
   Your emotional state post-date is telling. Did you leave feeling uplifted, optimistic, and energised, or did you feel drained, stressed, or disheartened?
8. Was I captivated or bored during the date?
   Assess the level of engagement and interest you had throughout the date. Were you fully absorbed in the conversation and activities, or did you find your mind wandering due to boredom or a lack of connection?

Reflecting on these questions after each date can significantly enhance your ability to discern potential partners who align with your values and vision for the future. Use the answers to make more informed decisions about whether you should continue seeing someone or if you should let go. Love, after all, is not just about the joy of meeting someone new but about the deeper connection that develops when two people truly resonate with each other.

For those seeking real-life chemistry beyond dating apps, Oscar offers a unique approach. We match our users based on deep-compatibility and we set them up on a blind date. No swiping, no texting. We believe in the power of deep compatibility and real-life interactions.

Moreover, we continuously refine our matchmaking process by incorporating feedback from our users about their dating experiences. This valuable input allows us to fine-tune our approach, ensuring that we maximise compatibility and connection in future matches, guided by indicators like those in the “Post Date 8” questions.

Sign up for Oscar to be matched and invited on a curated blind date, where you can explore these questions and potentially find your life partner.