If you can still relate to Wallace fine, though a curious choice, since finding “meaning and awareness” are probably the last things one might associate with suicide (let alone with going around and stalking folks).

Or as his Wiki entry ‘sez… “Wallace struggled with alcoholism, drug addiction, and suicidal tendencies, with recurrent psychological depression and commitments to psychiatric wards, bouts of inappropriate sexual behavior with some of his women students, and stalking a woman of whom he was enamored.”