It had been a long day
I woke up this morning after watching in disbelief as our world changed. I felt a genuine fear the world was ending. I had to get up somehow and go meet with the new executive at my company that I’ll be working with & somehow show my enthusiasm for the work I do as a UX researcher as I feel an emptiness of my stomach. I also had to lead a new meetup group, where 100+ people were planning to come and dream out solutions to our society’s biggest problems. I live in Seattle, and you might know this already, but it’s a pretty liberal town. How was I to lead this group of changemakers to action when I can barely find the optimism to work?
Well I worked through it. At first I was upset watching people on the bus and street go about life as if nothing had changed. But here I am, doing the same thing. I feel a massive hole in my stomach. Throughout the day, I had several friends in the LGBTQ community express genuine fear about their future in this country. I found myself scavenging facebook and twitter for something of comfort, something to get me feeling ok again. I watched a video of Stephen Colbert and he described how 54% of democrats fear the republican party, but more importantly that 49% republicans felt the same way about democrats. Our country is socially divided one friend of mine noted that he heard language like this being a new “cold” civil war. It certainly feels that way.
One blindness to the situation we have to face is the misguided anger we have at the people who voted for Trump. We consider them racists, bigots, and nearly evil. David Duke does back Donald, but so do my parents. My brother backs him too. Many normal people backed this man. When they hear his arguments, they don’t hear hate, they hear authenticity and something that maybe they resonate with. In many ways that latter sentiment is much more terrifying, but it was there before this election. No doubt that racism and bigotry like that is not ok. They look at Black Lives Matter not as a just cause, but as a misguided anger at police, and guess what, the democratic party hasn’t understood the movement well either. They don’t watch displays of the Dakota Access Pipeline and feel the unjustness in their fight to save their land, they see protestors standing up for something they don’t own and interrupting important economic progress. I could be way off on these views since I don’t have them, but I come from a happily married couple born in Michigan that does and they aren’t the racist stereotype we’re holding in our minds.
So I continued to work and feel it hard to focus, as I imagine many people did yesterday. I googled protests in Seattle, wanting to express my anger in some way with other people, but I had an event to run. I could have cancelled, but the topic; Social Innovation, seemed more important than ever. Many people didn’t show up that said they would (and many people RSVP yes and don’t show up anyhow, so some of that is expected). That drop-off is totally understandable considering that I personally wasn’t very enthusiastic about running it at the moment. But we stayed optimistic, even if just for a couple hours. We worked through story mapping methods and I asked them to consider the issues facing our society. We made a map of those issues and continued to believe in our ability to face those problems and find opportunities for change. My soul was lifted by the energy created in that room.
But I rode the train home, by myself, in tears. I had spent this emotionally exhausting day doing my responsibilities and I hadn’t even had a moment to just react to reality. I got home, showered, and went to bed. My day ended with a somber tone. But I woke again today and I’m back at work. I still have a hole in my stomach, but I know I can fight through it. That’s what I’m doing now. I’m pressing on. I don’t know if or when I’ll feel normal again and I am learning, maybe for the first time, what it’s like to be pessimistic about the future. 18F and USDS are groups doing work that matters and they aren’t sure of their future with this new regime. They are sticking to their efforts despite the uncertainty and I’m going to continue my efforts too.
I hope you will join me. We will not let the progress we’ve made in the past decade fade away because of political changes. They will be watched, criticised and bullying will not be accepted. Uncertainty and fear demands courage from those of us that seek a better world.
We must respond to our world, we can’t hide from it. I respond by creating. It’s a productive revolt. What now? We work to defend equity, innovation, and safety for everyone in the world. No president, no political party, and most importantly no internal fear can stop us.
