Last Man on Earth Needs to Get Over Emily

Mikey, 34, dumped several months ago by the love of his life, needs to let go over any ideas of reconciliation (because he alone now).

Regret. Pain. Longing. These feelings are super common, but shouldn’t be taken as an indication to attempt a reunion (cuz she dead, yo).

Many people say time is a healing factor, but this should be a simple case of recognizing the facts (and how she, and billions more, are corpses in various stages of decomposition, dawg).

Life is just a collection of love and loss, and he’s got to focus on self-love this time, and not the loss he feels (miniscule when compared to the loss of the entire human race, which as-of-yet has no determinable cause, brah).

He’s got to differentiate between the internal image he has of her, and the actual person that she is (a dead one, you the only one left on the planet, fam).

The old adage of plenty of fish in the sea can’t be used (except literally, now that all fishermen have passed), so the hopeless romantic needs to take it upon himself to move on and focus on surviving. One day that instinct will take over- and hopefully, it’s soon.

UPDATE: Recently Michael has found himself attracted to someone else- a mannequin he found in an abandoned outlet mall (it not dead, he into objects now!!!!!).

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