Men With Penises Under 3 Inches Favor Trump 20–1
Dallas, TX — In a shocking yet oddly unsurprising turn of events, a recent study has found that men with penis lengths under three inches overwhelmingly favor former President Donald Trump by a staggering margin of 20 to 1. The study, conducted by the Institute of Dubious Statistics, revealed that these men also have a peculiar fondness for Cybertrucks, the TV show Yellowstone, and vehemently insist they are neither racist nor sexist.
“It’s all about asserting dominance,” said Dr. Chad Hardrock, the lead researcher of the study. “Our data indicates that men with smaller-than-average genitalia tend to overcompensate by supporting figures like Trump, who embody a no-nonsense, tough-guy persona. This demographic is also statistically more likely to own a Cybertruck, binge-watch Yellowstone, and deny any accusations of racism or sexism, often in the same breath as a racist or sexist comment.”
The study also found that these men are twice as likely to display American flags on their pickup trucks, four times as likely to yell “fake news” at scientific facts, and 100% more likely to claim that size doesn’t matter.
“Look, it’s not about size,” insisted Rick Smalls, a proud Trump supporter and Cybertruck enthusiast. “It’s about making America great again! And I’m not racist or sexist, I just think Yellowstone portrays real American values.”
When asked if the findings might imply a connection between physical insecurity and political ideology, Dr. Hardrock diplomatically declined to comment, though he did note that participants in the study often requested to answer questions anonymously from the safety of their extra-large, diesel-powered vehicles.
At the conclusion of the study, researchers could not determine whether the correlation between tiny penises and Trump support was due to an inherent need to feel bigger or simply a fondness for bombastic figures who shout the loudest.
However, they did recommend further investigation into why these same men also gravitate towards steakhouse dinners, sunglasses indoors, and arguing on Facebook.
Disclaimer: This is a parody article. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Also, lighten up.
