how to be gay but also a man

candid of me asking the big questions
  • play all gay characters on Modern Family
  • learn all industry secrets
  • be a guy’s guy
  • don’t get into “the scene”
  • join adult kickball league
  • stock online store with bandeaus, Dolly Parton memorabilia, and hoodies
  • purchase aluminum baseball bat
  • practice swinging aluminum baseball bat
  • tell your son Skylar he’ll never understand
  • name your son Skylar
  • don’t save yourself for marriage
  • know where you were when THE RULING happened
  • wear makeup but not too much
  • cope with life since turning 20
  • stop wanting to be a witch
  • work out
  • train your third eye to judge yourself
  • keep all model airplanes in boxes in closet
  • be South Park, for your dad
  • know who Celine Dion is but never listen to her music
  • never reveal where your gay switch is
  • keep gay switch in off position unless paid in full (cost is 1 churro)
  • stop pretending to like John Mayer
  • come out on YouTube or it NEVER HAPPENED
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