Bitcoin was given to us by aliens and we’re a node in a Universal Proof of Stake Blockchain

A take on human instrumentality.

Photo by Bryan Goff on Unsplash

The Fermi paradox. Why haven’t we found extraterrestrial life? The universe is a big place. It’s been around for a while.

Option 1: Extraterrestrial life doesn’t exist.

Option 2: Extraterrestrial life doesn’t want us to know they exist because we’re an unwitting node in the Universal Blockchain Network operating on a Proof of Stake consensus mechanism that needs civilizations to expand and advance in an isolated environment in order to collectively agree on transaction order and a consistent shared state.

It’s obvious, really. Earth is simply a node in the Universal Blockchain using on Proof of Stake consensus. The more energy your civilization outputs, the more stake you have in block proposals. They previously used Proof of Work—like most primitive societies—and simply enslaved civilizations to generate the energy used to mine blocks.

The Nasca Lines are block hashes.

Teotihuacán was a mining pool.

The Egyptian Pyramids are ASICs.

Stonehenge is, fucking obviously, a ring signature for the Universal version of Monero.

Eventually they figured out Proof of Stake after 2 millennia of “we’re almost there”. And gave us Bitcoin to raise their stake by accelerating the pace of human development.

When the aliens came to Earth, they wanted to seamlessly blend in, but misinterpreted what the dominate life form is. Not humans, but gigantic umbrella corps.

this can’t be coincidental

Why haven’t Satoshi’s funds moved? Light isn’t that fast; the transaction is actively cruising across the cosmos as radio waves, and if we don’t hook up Bitcoin to the fucking Very Large Array soon, we’ll miss it.

We Need to Advance

Human society needs to be a validator, not a piece of stake. Burn the dollars, melt the gold, buy Bitcoin. Reach the Moon, Mars, and Europa. Finally figure out Proof of Stake on our own. Join the Universal Blockchain Network.

And ideally get a vote on UIP#19127333 before the universe finalizes the migration to Proof of Burn.


If this made you happy or existential, hit that 👏 button. Thanks to Felix Glaeske for proofreading this article, and banter with Casey Rosengren and Patrick McKenzie for inspiring it.