Bloomberg or Bust: The Rich Struggle To Starve Off The Inevitable

Matteo Bautista
Nov 8 · 7 min read
Credit: REUTERS/Shaun Best

America’s wealthy are no doubt angry about the state of our politics today. But for reasons deeper than we might expect.

The latest “ping!” notification on their phones brings them headaches posing as polls. These headaches tell them almost half of Gen-X and 70% of Millenials would vote for a democratic socialist. One-third of Millenials even have a favorable view of communism. And an energetic new working class crusade is on the war path, painting the “job creators” of old that used to “stimulate the economy” into demonic “corporate interests” that “rig the system” in their favor.

“The wealthy have seen this before.”

These headaches turn into migraines when progressive pet policies that used to be too radical for even small town politicians to think about in public, are now official planks in several presidential primary campaigns. Ideas vary from a tax on wealth, abolishing private health insurance, breaking up big tech companies, guaranteed housing for all, arresting employers who hire undocumented immigrants, and even a government-funded universal basic income.

In short, the rich have a big problem on their hands: Americans want the government to start getting more and more involved in the economy.

The wealthy have seen this before. History gives us a fair share of politicians that pushed to give Americans a better life through a bigger government. William Jennings Bryan crusaded on using the government to break up big railroad companies in the 1890s. Franklin Roosevelt in the 1930s implemented New Deal policies legalizing labor unions, creating Social Security, and guaranteeing a minimum wage. Even Republican Presidents like Richard Nixon and George W. Bush took up initiatives like creating the Environmental Protection Agency and new government housing programs respectively.

Yet in every scenario where America seemed to almost fall out of their grasp, the rich and powerful always found a way to get their hands back on the wheel.

“the greatest political circus that money could dream of.”

When firebrand Bernie Sanders forged his unique campaign to derail the rich in 2016, he was outrun by none other than Hillary Clinton, who promised a pragmatic progressivism threatening Wall Street with on-paper scoldings that came off more like metaphorical slaps on the wrist. She’d already seen Wall Street’s actions as both a White House First Lady, New York Senator, and Secretary of State. They knew their enemy, and considering they survived her in all three capacities, Hillary was one they could tolerate.

In a race between her and Donald Trump, a convenient upper class clown disguising his specific brand of obscene elitism as working class fervor, nothing could go wrong. A class-conscious people’s movement fueled by years of economic anxiety would disappear, replaced instead by the greatest political circus that money could dream of. While Americans were divided fighting against the resurgence of Fascism and an onslaught of bigotry-by-decree from the highest office in the land, the upper class continued business as usual unharassed.

“Could it get any worse?”

Yet, despite gunning for the wheel once more, their grip faltered.

More progressives were elected in the 2018 midterm elections than any time in recent history. States where Democrats made amazingly close campaign runs like Georgia and Florida had progressives on the frontlines. And perhaps most surprisingly of all, a young former bartender of color turned vocal socialist made headlines by ousting her powerful centrist incumbent opponent against all odds.

America suddenly finds itself in the midst of class warfare. The upper class interests, being comrades-by-profit and powered by a network of political and economic influence and decision-making authority, are pit against the rest of a country struggling to make ends meet. Somehow, the far flung ideas of some left-wing crack pots inspired everyday people to actually question their lot in life and demand their government do something to fix it. Could it get any worse?

“Warren presents a viable route for America’s newfound left-wing leanings to become political reality.”

Enter Elizabeth Warren.

Warren presents a new monster that the rich haven’t seen in ages. Bernie, while robust and reaching out beyond his ideological demographic, lacked the charm and charisma that old progressives like Robert Kennedy and Theodore Roosevelt used to woo party skeptics to their side.

Instead, Warren wields the deadly combination of a revolutionary reputation with a reconciliatory demeanor. A former corporate defense lawyer that knows what keeps rich executives up at night, she’s nonetheless preached for some of the most damning crackdowns on corporate activity. She’s a former Harvard law professor from liberal Massachusetts, yet she holds successful town halls with rural workers in conservative West Virginia. And her most viral moments in the primary season aren’t mudslinging or gaffing, but cracking witty jokes and talking about her childhood dream to become a school teacher.

Warren presents a viable route for America’s newfound left-wing leanings to become political reality. She’s a pathway to turn the tides of the newfound class war in everyday Americans’ favor. And if she makes it all the way to the White House, the rich wouldn’t find the friendly, familiar face of a Hillary Clinton, but the foreboding face of an ideology they hadn’t seen in power in more than half a century.

“America is finally winning the class war. So the upper class has decided to descend to the front lines.”

At first the rich relied on an expected alternative. Warren came out stumbling when Donald Trump went after her for her native heritage. A few cheap shots from the Orange Circus booted Warren out of the way just in time for temperate moderates like Pete Buttigieg, Kamala Harris, and Joe Biden to seize their moments on the primary field. More dangerous candidates like Warren and Sanders would remain on the sidelines, while Obamaesque Mayor Pete and Obama-friend Joe Biden would swoop in and save the day from the perils of progressivism. The rich were ready to close Trump’s circus and get a new Hillary if it meant keeping their worst fears at arm’s length.

But Warren didn’t subside. She rose on a wave of grassroots support and powerful debate performances. Sanders didn’t subside either. A heart attack and a series of rallies later, he shared Warren’s microphone rather than sucking air from it. Biden gaffed his way into uncertainty. Pete bored his way into obscurity. Harris flip-flopped herself into single-digits. Democracy destroyed the few chances the wealthy had at stopping a progressive from winning the nomination.

America is finally winning the class war. So the upper class has decided to descend to the front lines.

“To defend their interests, they’re willing to get their hands dirty and descend down to the common people to make their case for why they deserve their power and influence at our expense.”

Howard Schultz and Tom Steyer were the first to offer themselves up for sacrifice. Self-funding and self-righteous, they both promise a pathway to polite pragmatism that Warren and Sanders don’t provide in their plans to reshape the country.

Schultz mostly took aim as something between a book tour and a loud Yelp review, demanding in interview after interview that socialism not be taken seriously and the rich pay less taxes. He tanked relatively early because, unsurprisingly, debbie-downers don’t win.

Steyer on the other hand tried some reverse psychology, redirecting his impeachment marketing ploy into a faux-progressive machine to recycle Warren and Sanders talking points out of a rich man’s mouth to water it down. Nobody is taking his bait.

And so, with their outlook dimming by the week, no one comes best to save the day than the crème of the billionaire crop himself:

Michael Bloomberg.

Who better to represent the interests of the uber-wealthy than the 9th richest person in the United States?

Who better to represent the interests of the capitalist class than the man who went from investment banker and finance giant to Mayor of New York City, the abode of Wall Street itself?

Who better to represent big money interests than the man who initially dismissed a Presidential run because he admits he has more power pulling strings with charities, political donations, and his non-profit entities?

And who better to spar with Warren than exactly the type of regressive billionaire she’s fighting to tax and regulate?

“With one of their own in power rather than a politician or a placeholder, America will finally reach the zenith of political capitalism.”

Bloomberg’s entry into the primary signals that the rich have finally had enough. They’d rather hedge their bets on one of their own than on the loose cannon in Trump or on the sinking ship in Biden and Buttigieg. To defend their interests, they’re willing to get their hands dirty and descend down to the common people to make their case for why they deserve their power and influence at our expense.

In an almost Alice In Wonderland sense, Bloomberg signals the upper class deciding to come out from behind the curtain and reveal themselves. With one of their own in power rather than a politician or a placeholder, America will finally reach the zenith of political capitalism. And unlike Trump, who was always the odd-one-out among the wealthy cliques with low social and political capital, Bloomberg has the right rich relationships minus the far-right baggage to actually implement a unified agenda to protect America’s upper class. No longer will the American people have a means to fight them through the government, because a Bloomberg in the White House means the criminal has finally become the cop.

It means the rich will have the power to make sure the government never tries to fight them again.

But as high as the stakes are, they cannot win.

They won’t win without overtaking the irresistible leftward direction America is bent on taking.

Bloomberg’s run is just one of the last final bosses left to defeat in the great game to achieve a government and country that works for everyone, rather than the upper class. And to defeat him requires that Americans mobilize behind the progressive agendas of Warren and Sanders and make sure one of them wins the Democratic nomination.

America can win the class war. All it needs to do, is ascend to the front lines.

Matteo Bautista

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The most heroic word in all languages is “Revolution”

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