Matt (Mad) Scientist’s log - First entry
One month since LID started. Hearing voices in my head that, despite being mine, don’t seem to agree with anything. Voices discuss my role in a zombie apocalypse. Voices can’t decide whether I should use one long staff or two short ones as a weapon. I suggest nunchucks. Crisis averted. Color of nunchucks still to be decided.
Lots of time with myself. Rediscovering the joys of doing nothing. Anxiety still kicks in, though. Not having my fix is still mildly stressful, but stress is slowly wearing off. Previously, discomfort would linger for one hour. Now it’s 10 minutes or so. Virtual/digital inertia is still the same. Letting go of the digital world is still a struggle. Like slowly ripping off a band-aid. Or removing a gimp suit. Voices advise me to not put the gimp suit part. I ignore them.
Life is different. Experiences are more interesting and meaningful than before. I no longer drift through life. I am an agent of my own destiny. Voices told me to say so. Days are indeed more productive. Science is no longer a source of envy, but rather inspiration. Books are sources of wisdom (Thanks Audible). Videos and podcasts — thoroughly selected — are sources of relief and awe. Voices want you to know they did not tell me to say that.
Voices prove themselves to be useful. Trivial tasks are no longer a burden. They help me organize my life. Paying bills, dealing with day-to-day bureaucracy, cleaning my house, doing laundry, devising unique ways to make people uncomfortable. I can finally get lost in my head and always find my way back. Have enough time to be creative. Being creative is awesome. Creativity is cool. In a creative mind lies… creativity. CREATIVITY! *Jazz Hands*
Attended science communication competition two days ago. Had to explain my research to laymen. Best challenge of my scientific career. Wouldn’t have being able to do that before LID. Creating the presentation was painless, yet tiresome. Learning how to explain difficult concepts was easier than expected. Mind just drifted towards the answers and it didn’t choose when to give me those answers. Got second place. Self-fulfillment is my middle name. My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair! Found my true calling (yet again). Voices did not interfere. Wasn’t afraid to ask for help. Met great people who just want to make the world more scientifically literate. Awesome day.
I can feel it creeping its way back to me, though. It’s a new battle everyday. I am giving my best not to fall into temptation. I still succumb to old vices. Binge-watching and morosity are my kryptonite. Despite all that, the feeling is of replenishment. Life has improved by the loads. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. And by you I mean them. The voices. At their worst they are innocuous, but at their best they make me pass insurmountable obstacles. They reach me and I reach them and together we can handle the unwanted, the uninteresting till it becomes nothing but specks when compared to everything going through my mind nowadays. On my way to another day. Can’t wait to see what they’ll talk about today and how I’ll contribute to this sane madness.