Be more Lovisa
Follow your dreams, even if they kill you.
I want to make it very clear that Lovisa died pursuing her dreams. She was running on the sidewalk, and she died. She did nothing wrong, and there wasn’t anything more she could have done in her situation. She was airlifted to hospital, but it was too late. I was lucky enough to be able to hold her hand when she was pronounced dead. She was still beautiful.
I don’t think I will ever be able to process that moment, and I don’t think I want to. But when she died, she died in full pursuit of her dreams. Can you imagine the relief that gives me. If that happened to you, could you say the same? You probably don’t think it would happen to you, and I still believe that it would never happen to me. But it could happen to those you love and is that something you are willing to live with? I don’t know if I could.
Lovisa came to America with me to pursue a PhD in physics. She was following her dream. It was her fascination from a young age, right up until she died. Can you say that about your life? I don’t know if I can say that about mine. Sometimes I went where life took me. Lovisa had aspects of that as well, and I think we all do, we cannot fully control our lives.
However, Lovisa lived as an example for us all. She took control of her life. She lived how she wanted to live, by sheer will. The physics department, when she applied, didn’t have the funding to support her, but she was so capable she willed her way there anyway. She, along with the support of everyone who saw her passion and capability, found a way to make it work. She was accepted for a PhD in Architectural Engineering, doing machine learning applied to chemistry while she took physics classes. No one has done that before, and it’s not in the University rules, but she found a way, by sheer will.
So if Lovisa can help you in any way, it’s that you too should take control of what you can, and if there isn’t a way, do what Lovisa did, and will a new way.
Spend ‘Kompis time’.
I barely eat, I scream and cry every night, I get headaches from dehydration because I am crying so much, but through all of this, I smile, because I had the best time with her, right up until her death. And that time wasn’t something extravagant. We didn’t do a whole lot. We just cleaned the flat, had coffee and watched a film. But we did that together, and [we] took the whole day for each other. No work, no stress, nothing more important in our minds than spending that time. Every Saturday morning we had ‘Kompis time’ (Kompis means ‘buddy’ in Swedish) blocked off in the diary.
It’s still in our diary, and I’m not going to remove it, because it’s non-negotiable. When I think back on my life with her, it’s this time I think about. Every Saturday morning we were together. From waking until midday, normally longer. The fact it was non-negotiable was her idea. Nothing was more important than that time, and it could change as to what we were doing that morning, but we were together.
So I ask you, in Lovisa’s memory, to take some ‘Kompis time’. Spend that time with someone you care about and be uncompromising. Don’t miss it because you are tired, or you are working or doing something else, because I promise you, when you die, that is all everyone around you will regret. Take Kompis time, schedule it in, because that’s truly the legacy you leave.
Make things nice.
Lovisa made things nice. If her life was to be summarised crudely it would be that, and that’s the best way to live. If we were having breakfast, she would light a candle and make lovely food. If we were in a room, she would make sure she met everyone with a smile and made them feel welcome. If she had a shower, she would play music and really take the time to enjoy it. If she was doing something she was all in, and her environment reflected that.
Make things nice, Lovisa would have wanted that.
Remove your ego.
There was no room in her brain for ego, the kindness pushed it all out. She took ownership over her life, her future, and anything she could control. She was unbelievably well qualified. She left University having worked a year as a software consultant, created a Swedish language course, worked with two different particle physics research groups, and with a Masters in Physics and Astrophysics. She also was the third strongest University student in Scotland for her weight class in powerlifting. And she did this with zero ego.
If you asked her if she was smart, she would say she was average. If you asked her if she was strong, she would say she’s “ok”. If you asked her if she’s done enough, she would say “I could have done more”. She went into every situation with zero ego, and that’s what made her so capable.
If you can learn anything from Lovisa, have self-belief but don’t have an ego. She got so far because she wasn’t scared to admit what she didn’t know, and she never lied to herself pretending she did know. Admit you don’t know, remove your ego, and grow as Lovisa would want you to.
Die trying.
Lovisa died trying. She died trying to follow her dream and trying to make the world a better place. She had a book of 3000 questions and, every now and then, she would write in an answer to a question as a way to relax and journal her thoughts.
The book asked, ‘Do you have a calling in life?’
She answered: “I think I have many callings: to be a mum, to make the world slightly better, to contribute to physics, to love people and make them feel loved.”
She died following all of those, every single one. And notice the language, she didn’t want to be a great physicist, she wanted to ‘contribute to physics.’ She didn’t want to change the world, she wanted to make it ‘slightly better’. She didn’t want to just love and be loved, she wanted people to ‘feel loved’. There is a difference.
Say ‘I love you’.
Lovisa and I said we loved each other, I am not joking, probably an average of 30 times a day. That might seem stupid, and it would seem like it would invalidate the word and dilute it, but it didn’t. When you think about your loved ones, if you thought of them all the time, there are probably 30 different times in a day you could say you love them. So say it.
I have no regrets that Lovisa and I said it as much as we said it, because you never know when you will last see someone. When she died, I have no doubt in my mind she knew I loved her and she loved me. No doubt, and that keeps me going. I cannot begin to imagine how I would have felt if I even held back one ‘I love you’. So say it, to everyone you love, even if they don’t feel the same way back, because you never know what will happen.
Be more Lovisa.
About Lovisa.
Lovisa Arnesson-Cronhamre. 1998–2023
Lovisa Arnesson-Cronhamre was struck by a car on Tuesday 13th September 2023 and was pronounced dead in UPMC Altoona, holding the hand of her to be Fiancée Matthew, just one month into their new life in America.
From the family of Lovisa.
Lisa. Our Lovisa.
It is with heavy hearts that we write these words. We know that many of you knew Lovisa. A beloved daughter. Sister. Fiancée and friend.
This is not how it was supposed to be.
Early yesterday morning, Swedish time, we learned that Lisa was hit by a car at a very high speed. The injuries were so severe that her life was lost.
It’s impossible to comprehend. Every part of my being resists the unbelievable. You are no longer here.
The last time I held a speech was at your graduation. If only I had known what was to come, I would never have let you go. But you were living your dream. Our brave girl. You had barely spent a month at Penn State.
Then it ended. Abruptly and far too soon. Not everything that happens truly has a purpose.
Your life had only just begun. Now it’s over.
We will love you until time runs out.
Our Lovisa.
From her to be Fiancé.
Lovisa,
We had already discussed we were going to get married.
I was going to propose in the fall, I was going to find a nice clearing in the trees, and when the first snow of fall came in, I was going to get down on one knee and spend the rest of my life with you.
We had it all planned out together.
After our PhDs, we were going to move to Stockholm together, to be closer to your family.
She wanted to be a mother, and we were going to have two kids together.
I just want to see you one more time.
Lovisa was the kindest person I have ever met, she was considerate in every way she could be, and she loved greatly, her family and friends.
You had so much life left to live, but in your time, you gave more than enough love and kindness to last 1000 years.
I will always love you Kompis.
