Just The Tip — Pizza is better upside down.

Hi! I’m doing a new series. And it’s a fun one.

I am not a man of few words. I might be the exact opposite of a man of few words. Yeah, you know what, I’ll own it. I’m likely a man of many words.

Which I love. I love reading and writing a real comprehensive deep dive into some little topic or niche. I love copious amounts of details. I’m not at all mad at a gilded lily. I love a little embellishment. Personally, I have written thousands and thousands of words on topics including neurodiversity, parenting and why January fucking sucks in Iceland.

But fuck me… That. Shit. Takes. Time.

And I want to be on that regular publishing grind. So I’ve been challenging myself with shorter formats for my writing. Here’s what I came up with.

I call it: Just the Tip

Here’s why.

So normally when I write about something I let my mind wander. I want to put every interesting thing I can on the page. Detailed tangents. Breaking the fourth wall. Wait, hang on, that sounds wrong.

Hmmm OK, I’m still in the intro, so this tangent doesn’t really count. Bear with me, but…

Hold on to your hat, folks! Here Matt explore the nature of the fourth wall in blogging!!! LET’S. DO. THIS.

What do you call fourth wall breaks when you’re writing a blog? Like, surely not fourth wall breaks, right? Because what walls? It’s not like you’re seeing this in a theatre (unless my life takes some very unexpected turns). OK, what’s a better use of language? Screen breaking? It just doesn’t mean anything, does it? Blog breaking just sounds incredibly lame, so not that. No, I think that fourth wall breaking now more of a genre convention in general than specific. So fourth wall breaking just generally means addressing the audience directly in your given format. So they would still be fourth wall breaks I think.

OK…

That makes sense.

But answer this. Is that not what I’m always doing? Aren’t I always addressing my readers in a way? Like I’m not writing with noone in mind. Now I think about it, sometimes I’m doing it more directly I guess. And other times I’m sort of talking aloud for those who’ll happen to hear. Sometimes I’m even just organising my thoughts. I guess I occasionally aim for polemic… Hmmm, I’m not sure.

Hey reader? What do you think? Do you think I’m breaking the fourth wall when I address you or is there no fourth wall due to the nature of the format? Can you not break what doesn’t exist? Either way, I do genuinely hope you’re having a lovely day and I really appreciate you reading this.

Wait, if you know my voice, and you read this article, do you hear these words in my voice? Can you hear my regional accent when I pronounce ‘cookbook’? Does it feel as if I’m talking to you? Does it feel like I’m talking to you right now? Wait, let’s pick on someone. Mum, does it feel like I’m talking to you right now? What face am I making? Can you tell I’m smiling as I write this?

See this is exactly what I’m talking about. This *taps the screen vigorously* is the exact sort of nonsense I’m talking about!

This article is about pizza. And instead of, I don’t know, talking about pizza, I have already spent hundreds of words fucking around with what I’m currently choosing to call the fourth wall. Which is, of course, super fun.

But, say it with me folks. That. Shit. Takes. Time.

Now we can actually introduce Just the Tip.

I believe life can always be improved in meaningful ways (without those improvements taking all your spoons). As a result, I am constantly trying to make small but significant improvements in my life. Life is an amazing opportunity to learn and grow and all that good stuff and I want to make sure I’m not making life harder than it needs to be.

And, in the course of these low-key experiments in self improvement, I occasionally end up discovering something that has, in some small way, been a net positive in my life without worsening it. And I think that these experiences are worth sharing. So that’s what I’m going to do.

But here’s the thing. I’m also trying to get into that regular publication rhythm so these can’t be too long. If I want to grow an audience, we can’t get lost in tangents, digressions or the nature of the fourth wall. At least not every time.

So, in Just the Tip, I want to present some of the little tricks and bits of advice I have about life without (major) digression. I want to share the little things that improve my life and I hope can improve yours too. Quickly.

In other words, it’s just the core piece of advice. Only the thing you need to know to improve your life a little. It’s, and feel free to say it with me:

Just the Tip.

Which I’m 100% sure was your first guess when reading the title. I’m not sure why I felt the need to explain. No Mum, I don’t know why they’re laughing either.

Guys, be honest with me, is this totally off the rails already? Fuck it. It’ll be fine.

For the first time, I present to you, dear reader: ‘Just the Tip’.

Drum roll please.

Just the Tip — Pizza is better upside down.

Listen up guys, we’re eating pizza wrong.

It’s not a criticism. Until like two days ago I did exactly what you did.

For most of my 33 years, I ate pizza what I would consider the ‘usual way’. I would eat the pizza as it was presented to me. The crust of the pizza would end up on my tongue, and the toppings would continue to be toppings. There would typically only be one rotation. The tip of the pizza would go from pointing into the centre of the pizza to pointing at my waiting maw. That would be it. Easy done.

I imagine you do the same. Statistically, you do. Everyone one of you I’ve seen eating pizza eats it this way. Except Will. Will eats it with a knife and fork and it’s one of my favourite things in the universe. But this isn’t about Will and the beautiful way he eats pizza.

It’s about how I recommend you eat pizza.

Let’s think about mouths for a second.

Which bit of your mouth is best at tasting? I’d argue, using science, that the bit of your mouth thats good at tasting is the tongue part. That’s where all your taste buds are. Right? I don’t think that’s controversial.

So if, by chance, only one side of your meal has flavour, you’d probably want to eat that so the flavour is on the bottom. Next to the bit that is good at tasting flavour: the taste buds. In essence, you’d want to put the flavour on your tongue.

Now, let’s think about pizza.

Pizza has two sides. The top is covered in all kinds of flavour. Humans call these toppings. Toppings like salty, fatty cheese, sweet and acidic tomato sauce, slightly spiced pepperoni, exquisite tropical pineapple, or whatever you like. There is basically no limit to how much flavour you can put on top of a pizza. And, if we’re being honest, the bottom of a pizza is just bread. Barely any flavour.* Again, I don’t think there’s anything controversial here.

With me so far? Great! Let’s summarise what we’ve learned so far.

You have a food with flavour predominantly on one side (the toppings). You have a mouth that tastes flavour predominantly on the bottom (your tongue/taste buds). You also generally want to taste flavour when you eat.**

So let me ask you this.

Why, when we eat pizza, are we all licking a bunch of bread and pushing the toppings into the roof of our mouth?

Seriously, why are we all licking the bread? It makes no sense.

Today’s tip is that pizza tastes better upside down.

By matching where your pizza has flavour with where your mouth has flavour receptors just makes sense. And it makes pizza tastes better. Significantly better actually. Because instead of licking bread like some weird bread-licker, your tongue gets to explore the nuances of the topping and experience their full flavour. And people tend to like flavour.

(A quick aside: I’d also argue that it’s easier to chew pizza upside. I find that the chewy crust responds best to my top incisors and canines. It is, however, potentially worth pointing out that when I was researching this, the internet kept telling me I have a massive overbite. Which I do. So, honestly, that could just be a me thing. So do me a favour and take that with a pinch of salt.)

Interestingly, while this blew my mind in March 2023, the idea itself has been floating around for a while. Whilst I came across this method of pizza eating naturally through experimentation, it is by no means an original thought. But a cursory Google shows that I’m a little behind the curve on this one. Bloggers before me have said it. It pops up on Reddit periodically. Even Papa John (creator of exclusively mediocre pizzas) knows it.

So, if this idea has been floating around the interwebs for a decade, why are most of us still a bunch of bread-lickers?

Well I personally think that’s because we think (potentially incorrectly) that eating pizza upside down will have the follow three problems. Firstly, we don’t want to burn our tongues. Secondly, some might say their pizza is too floppy to flip. Thirdly and most understandably, we don’t want the toppings to fall off. These are all understandable concerns but I think they can be easily addressed.

Firstly, if a pizza is hot enough to burn your tongue: wait for it to cool down. I cannot stress enough that if you’re worried about burning any part of your mouth from pizza, that’s a you problem. Do you also eat fondue straight out of the pot? Do you take burgers off the grill and put them directly on your tongue? Do you scoop pasta directly from the boiling water into your eager facehole? No, right? And, if you answered yes, is that working for you? Really?

My advice: just give it a minute. There’s time for the pizza to cool. Noone is so busy they have to burn their mouths.

Secondly, if your pizza is too floppy to flip, then it isn’t good pizza. It might not have been cooked enough. The dough might not have been made correctly. It may not have been kneaded for long enough to develop gluten. It may been cooked at too low a heat. Whatever the reason, the takeaway (pun absolutely intended) is that pizza should basically hold its shape when you pick it up. If it doesn’t, you need to up your pizza game.

Thirdly and finally, I agree that literally noone wants to drop their toppings. To be clear, I’m not here to advocate for dropped toppings. I am not into droppings. BUT! I actually think this may be an issue of technique.

It may be tempting to imagine that eating pizza upside down means flipping the pizza the moment you pick up the slice and hoping for the best. You could absolutely do that and hope that the cheese holds it all together. But actually, I think the pro move here is to attempt a barrel roll just as the pizza enters your mouth (just like Fox McCloud!). That way there’s no droppings and, let’s be real, it looks sick as hell.

To be fair, you may lose a morsel or two in the flipping process. But here’s the thing. I’d rather lose a piece of pepperoni than have inferior tasting pizza. I’d rather taste my taste my toppings than worry about dropping them.

Honestly? I’d rather be a toppings dropper than a bread-licker.

In conclusion

I honestly think this is a no brainer guys.

Pizza tastes better upside down.

By barrel-rolling the flavour into your mouth’s flavour receptors you will get a better eating experience. You know, provided you didn’t jam it into your face directly from the oven.

Here’s the thing. Having said all that, I know you don’t believe me. I wouldn’t believe me. I wouldn’t have been persuaded by this at all. It sounds stupid.

So how about this? Do me a favour. Next time you eat a pizza, just try it. Maybe just on one slice. Next time you eat pizza, do a barrel roll. Next time you eat a pizza, eat it upside down.

It’ll taste better.

Or, worst case scenario, the kids will get a kick out of the experiment.

Thinking about it, you could also eat it with a knife and fork. That would probably have the same effect. Fuck, Will was right the entire time.

Well played, Will, well played.

Until next time, lovelies. Talk to you soon.

As always thank you all so much for reading. I love sharing my thoughts with you guys and pushing myself as a writer. I really enjoyed writing this and I hope you did too.

If you liked what you read, please take the time to leave a like, subscribe and share this article. Help me spread effective pizza tasting to the world!

I’d also love to hear your thoughts! How do you eat pizza? Have you ever tried upside down pizza? Let me know in the comments below!

Have an amazing day. Even if you’re a bread licker.

* I’m fully aware that many people attempt to flavour their crusts. Some use palenta for crush, some use sea salt to enhance flavour, some flavour the dough. I’m not denying that. I’m also aware that cold fermenting your dough adds flavour. I watch Binging with Babish too. But I think we can all agree that generally speaking the flavour of pizza is on top.

** I’m so sorry to any British people reading. I know this is against our cultural values but I’m trying to appeal to a global audience.