How Mentoring Adds Value
Don’t just pursue your own success — help others.
I may be a white, middle-class American, but I am no fan of rugged individualism in theory or practice. Unlike Daniel Plainview in There Will be Blood, I do not see financial or career success as a zero-sum game. We are not wild beasts competing for scarce resources. Moreover, it baffles me how blind many of us are to the value of collective action or collectivity of any kind — when this is what gives life meaning and vibrancy. We prefer to be isolated, barren islands than bustling, fertile continents.
One way to shift this trend is to make it our goal to help others achieve theirs. This should be mostly painless because we usually don’t have to give anything up — except time — and the reward is substantial.
Sometimes it seems like I’m lost on my own private (figurative) island, and my own goals seem unachievable and/or pointless. The opportunity to mentor someone else presents itself like a life raft. (Think Cast Away but with a lot less hardship.) While my personal goals remain elusive, the mentorship opportunity allows me to put them on hold — at least temporarily. My ego is kept in check because I can filter my ideas and assumptions through another competent adult, who can keep me on my toes with probing questions. Most importantly, if a mentee of mine succeeds, it feels like my success. This is not the case when I look on LinkedIn, for example, and see a post from someone I hardly know bragging about a promotion.
I’ll make my appeal more direct: If you have any time and energy left after taking care of yourself and your family, please give it to someone else. The simple act of forwarding a social connection or job posting can make a big difference— but it’s even more meaningful to provide consistent help. Here’s why:
1. You can make a new friend
It’s not easy to make friends these days.
I’m talking about real friends — not the ones whose Facebook posts you comment on every once in a while. I didn’t have trouble making friends as a kid, but the process is a lot different when you find yourself with a (remote) job, a mortgage, and a stunning lack of patience.
It’s strange how often I have to explain to socially isolated adults the importance of doing favors for people as a precursor to friendship: Unlike other relationships that don’t rise to the friend level, friendship is built on acts of kindness. Mutualism in the context of friendship is not like when I visit my friendly barber, for example, because the expectation is that I will pay for the service. If I don’t pay, there will likely be trouble. In either case, we often get so wrapped up in self-interest and transactional relationships that we forget what it means to be a friend.
Friendship demands some level of sacrifice — so when I give my time to a mentee looking for career advice, this could easily become the start of a mutually rewarding friendship.
2. You can get a new perspective on your own career
Sometimes the worst story is the one you tell yourself.
It’s impossible to view yourself or your career objectively: One person’s failure is another’s success. Thus, you should seek out other opinions. Start by consulting those who are struggling or just getting started in their careers. The most beneficial perspectives typically come from folks who have it worse than you do. They can help you appreciate what you’ve achieved, what you’ve learned, what you still need to learn, why you got into your chosen career in the first place, and much more.
It’s a problem if you choose to only associate with people on your rung of the career ladder (or higher). This not only demonstrates a lack of humility but also an ignorance of where the best advice comes from. Those in a similar position may see themselves in direct competition with you; therefore, you can’t trust that they have your best interests at heart — while those on a higher rung will be the hardest to reach. The higher you climb, the lonelier it gets. I say this from experience: Never be “too good” for anyone or anything. Everyone has something to offer.
3. You can build a supportive community that you can turn to when you need help
Community goes far beyond a LinkedIn network, but I still suggest networking wherever and whenever you can.
This is often the hardest thing for introverts and anyone else who prefers smoother social interactions. The problem is society has moved away from in-person gatherings and clubs —first gradually and then exponentially due to COVID-19 — and I don’t see this trend changing given the idiosyncrasies of young people coupled with what I like to call “smartphone supremacy” and the rise of AI.
Consequently, I say we embrace the tools and channels that are available to us. I may not like them, but I use LinkedIn and Slack a lot — not to mention Zoom and its ilk. I have met few of my mentees in person, but this does not mean I don’t consider them friends or supportive people who might lend a hand if needed. I take what I can get these days and try not to complain about the dearth of human connection.
Sometimes I wish I had a time machine that could take me back to the early 2000s — when I mentored adolescents and none of them had phones in their pockets. I had a brick Nokia that survived a two-story fall without a scratch. Those were the days. They’re gone forever.
Yet, hope remains: Another human is now only a click away. So, get off your couch. Go to your desk if you have one. Survey the (digital) landscape. Find people. Meet people. Friend people. Like people. Help them get where they want to go (without necessarily driving them directly) — and your own destination will come more into focus. You won’t regret the time taken and energy spent. Just do it.
And if you won’t do it, I will.
