Every 4 Years Millions of Americans are Mocked Because of Something They Love

The Unfortunate Side of the World Cup

In the midst of my excitement the other night over the USMNT win in the opening round of the World Cup, they began to appear on my newsfeed—posts that mock my love for the beautiful game. Every four years it’s the same bullshit. Meathead sports fans raise the the-reason-we’re-not-good-at-soccer-in-this-country-is-because-no-one-cares-about-the-sport flag. It’s a good flag. They love flying it. They love flying it as much as they love flying the no-one-picked-a-fight-with-me-but-I’m-going-to-be-angry-and-act-tough-anyway flag. Or the someone’s-taking-a-picture-of-me-I-better-not-show-any-teeth-and-be-sure-I-look-tough flag.

They also tend to pull out the you’re-only-a-soccer-fan-every-four-years flag. That one might be the dumbest of all. Of course large groups of people who don’t normally watch soccer gather in bars every four years and suddenly care what happens during random games. It’s like an eclipse. These teams rarely play each other and they’re some of the top teams in the world who’ve just gone through years of qualifying games to get here. I’m not super into astronomy either, but when an eclipse takes place, I step outside and watch. That’s what happens during large sporting events. It’s the exact same thing that happens during the Super Bowl every year. Only two teams play (statistically probably not a team you’re a fan of) and yet… you gather with other people and watch. The Olympics? Same thing. I can pretty much guarantee you aren’t into bobsledding. But everyone stops and watches. If you don’t want to deal with a crowd of people yelling at a T.V. over two NFL teams they don’t actually care about, if that offends you to your core, then don’t go watch the Super Bowl. But these people don’t have a problem with that. They only have a problem when it’s a random soccer game. Then the people watching that game are sarcastically referred to as “niche soccer fans, so diehard that the Mexico-Brazil games is of significant consequence to their lives and ours.” Yeah, or maybe they are just caught up in the excitement and the atmosphere and enjoy watching two world-class teams compete.

Doesn’t matter where you are—work, a bar, in your own home—these people don’t want you enjoying yourself. Even as you’re watching, they’re always quick to point out how “that sport” will just never amount to much in this country. They’ll walk in and sit down to chat about how they don’t understand how people can watch it, about how slow it is, about how much better American Football is. Then they walk away like they weren’t just incredibly rude and obnoxious… and most of all ignorant. Meanwhile I’ve never said word one about one of their sports to invite their opinions. Yet, still, they felt it was necessary to give me their two cents on the matter. Not to mention, at some point they’re likely to bring up how soccer players aren’t tough either, saying something like, “These guys barely make contact with each other. They’d never be able to take a football hit.” Do these people watch tennis and wonder aloud why the two guys on opposite sides of the net don’t rush each other during play until only one man is standing? Are they clamoring for golfers to tackle each other? No. Because those sports are different from football, and they understand that and simply watch. But if it’s soccer, they just have to point out how wimpy the players are.

Soccer fans aren’t posting on their facebook walls things like #suckitsuperbowltheworldcupisbetter. Soccer fans aren’t saying, “All your sports blow.” Soccer fans aren’t even, usually the ones saying, “Twenty years from now this sport will be the biggest thing in the U.S..” Sports media personalities might put those words in the mouths of soccer fans, but the fans aren’t actually saying those things. You know what soccer fans are trying to do? Watch soccer and enjoy it. So why do football and basketball fans feel the need to point out every 4 years, with such emotional gusto, that soccer will never make it in this country? For the same reason they wont smile in photos and feel the need to pick a fight with the guy that bumped into them by accident at the bar. Because they feel the need to assert themselves even when it’s unnecessary. They see other people enjoying something they don’t understand and instead of attempting to watch it, learn about, and enjoy it, they get angry at it because it’s infringing on their limited existence. I could say it’s because of a lack of intelligence or a subconscious lack of confidence. But I won’t even go there, because it doesn’t really matter what the root is. It’s just annoying and stupid and needs to stop. It’s old. And played out.

These people weren’t posting negative things about tennis a few weeks back during the French Open. I saw no comments about how “lame” or “boring” the sport of track was following the Prefontaine Classic a few weeks ago either. You know why? Very few people watched either of those events. Certainly people don’t go out of their way to gather at bars and watch. Yet both those events have gone on for decades and decades and have a devoted following of fans. So again… why no facebook posts mocking those sports? Precisely for the reason I just stated. People weren’t out there watching and getting excited about those events. You know what millions of Americans do go out of their way to watch and get excited about? Soccer. For some reason that makes American sports meathead fans angry and feel threatened. It makes them lash out about how we’ll never be good at that sport. OK… why do you care? During Wimbledon this summer, are you going to post about how tennis will never beat out the NBA in terms of popularity? Or about the fact that there isn’t really any American challenging for a win on grass? I doubt it.

The best is when they post ridiculous comments that argue that BASEBALL of all god-awfully, slow-moving sports is a more exciting game than a sport where the ball is constantly in play for 90 minutes. The truth is, I just like sports. If golf is on, I’ll watch it. Tennis? Fuck yeah. American football? I tolerate it and can enjoy it (although I find the fact that there only eleven minutes of actual play during an entire game somewhat frustrating). Basketball? Of course. I don’t have to understand the sport perfectly. It doesn’t have to be a high scoring game—hockey being a great example. I just love watching people compete at an incredibly high level. And for the life of me I can’t understand why people can’t just let me and other soccer fans do that in peace.

They love discussing our country’s weakness in the sport, as though it’s someone’s fault—“With all our resources in this country, why can’t we beat Ghana every time?” Have you looked at American test scores in geography lately when compared with other countries? Just having resources doesn’t guarantee you’ll succeed. You have to make use of those resources and make an attempt to understand and learn. Kids in this country are going to continue to suck at geography because we don’t teach them geography very well. And we’re going to continue to be less than the best at soccer because as a country we haven’t embraced what it’ll take to be great at the sport. And you know what, that’s OK. It’s all so odd that there’s this constant need to insist that maybe if we were the best in the world at soccer it would catch on… ridiculous. We’ve had the best in the world at many sports—track, speed skating, tennis, etc.—and those sports haven’t taken over the American sports consciousness. Maybe soccer’s just not the main focus of this country (except for a few weeks every four years). And you know what? That’s fine. I’m perfectly secure in that fact. Why aren’t they?