My quest to find peace

I’m a pretty large dude. I have a pretty large problem. I can’t seem to find that perfect pair of underwear. Being a larger guy, there is a lot of friction, “down there”. My upper or mid thighs will rub together all depending on what underwear I am wearing. Chafing is my mortal enemy.

My body type is that of what like like to call a “barrel man”.

me with my daughter hiking

As you can see. I have a smaller lower half, and really large upper half. On top of that. I have virtually no butt. Like it really, it is just back-crack down there. I can not keep pants up to save my life. My friends and family live in fear that at any second they could be hit with a fabulous view of my derriere.

Like a harry cracked guerrilla. Hiding in the shadows, ready to strike. At the heart of any unfortunate soul that happens to pass by. My back-crack too strikes… Unprovoked, seemingly at random.

Here is a great photo my daughter snapped to illustrate my point.

Attack of the crack

You probably weren’t expecting that! Well neither do my friends, and family, butt (pun intended) they are subjected to it all the time.

This body type, with my killer crack. Tends to cause all plethora of wardrobe issues. Specifically, for the the sake of this writing. It has to deal with the problems I have finding the right kind of underwear.

I am still on the hunt now even as I write this. This year alone I have bought nine types and brands. That’s over one different type of underwear a month. I don’t mean nine pairs of underwear, the number there is so much higher. I mean nine damn different types! All in the hopes that I can find that magical pair.

  • That pair, that when I put it on, are super comfortable, and stay that way all day.
  • That pair, that leaves you feeling fresh whether you have been walking 10 miles or have just been sitting all day.
  • That pair, that stays above my butt-crack, even when my pants don’t.
  • That pair, that doesn’t snag against my hairy thighs.
  • That pair, that keeps me smelling like a human being, and not swamp-ass man.
  • That pair, that makes me forget about the fact that I have to think about underwear all the damn time!

I wanted to start writing about this, because I feel like I can’t be the only person with this problem. There has got to be other barrel men out there just like me. Suffering in silence, as their loved ones don’t know they pain they face on a daily basis. I want to be a voice in the sea of silence.

Maybe those men think it’s normal to never find the right kind of underwear. I am here to tell you! Eh, it’s probably normal… But, it’s still a huge problem for me so I’m going to solve it. At least I’m going to try my damnedest to find a pair that I can live with.

Part of it, is really the thrill of the hunt. The excitement I get right after I buy a pair with the anticipation that this will be the pair that I am finally satisfied with. Sadly, that day hasn’t come. Maybe one day…

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