“The Control”

In starting into my journey of reviewing underwear. I am thinking I should start with a control pair. A pair that is the most basic in every sense of the word.

Something like they sell on amazon like the ones I have below might be a good control:

To me this is the most standard of underwear. I don’t remember the last time I wore a “vanilla” cotton brief to be honest. I gave them up most likely when my mother stopped shopping at rummage sales for my underwear…

To be fair that only happened one time. We grew up poor, and had to make due. Sometimes, apparently, with used underwear… Anything to save a buck I guess.

It will haunt me till the end of my days. I still cringe thinking about it even now. My mother yelling at me that I wasn’t too good for garage sale underwear. Me crying that I was. She was angry, because she said that they were still in the pack. I had no reason to complain. To be fair, to her they were technically still in the pack. However! To me underwear that were out of the pack that got stuffed back in the pack after being used! Did not count as underwear that were still in the pack.

With two small children of my own. I took a silent vow to both of my children. That I would always try my best to keep them at a standard of living which doesn’t require garage sale underwear. So far I have kept good on that promise. Hopefully even if we fall on hard times, and go homeless we could still get a closed pack of underwear that someone has donated.

I digress, lets get back to the underwear…

I wouldn’t get more than one use out of each of these. White underwear and I, only get one go around the sun. After that, they, for sure, aren’t white anymore. Nor will they ever be white again. Those underwear have to say goodbye to their old lives of purity, and live a new life that is tarnished. This happened just recently with a pair of Wiseau’s that are no longer with us for the above reason.

However, I checked and it looks like going any other color, but white triples the price of briefs. I didn’t know that color would make that big of a difference in price. Guess you learn something every day. :)


My other thought was that I could go with something that would be my worse case scenario.

This was a line directly from the description on amazon.

“ Waist band is elastic, perfect daily wear and working out.”

I applaud anyone who can work out in these. I assume that even though I am a large guy. That most people need some more skin protection than that just while working out. I could be wrong in my assumption. How? How do you keep them up? HOW?!

These thongs only provide enough to support my manhood, and nothing else. I could imagine that these might take a certain amount of time to get used to. I haven’t ever worn a thong. I don’t know if that would skew my results. If my butt was uncomfortable. Would it be due to my body causing the discomfort, or that of simply wearing a thong? What if they for magical reason solved all of my underwear problems? Would I be OK with that? I consider myself a secure guy, but I really enjoy having on as many articles of clothing as I possibly can. This might be a little to close for comfort. I also don’t think that anyone wants that much exposure to me.

Screw it!

I bought them both! Let the control testing begin!

I do think I also need to work out some kind of system or come with diagrams or something for my results. Maybe I’ll do an outline of a snowman with two sticks for legs. Maybe I’ll take a picture of myself, and just drop the color. To turn myself into a diagram. Gotta come up with something.