Tommy Wiseau boxer brief review
If you have ever wondered what it’s like to wear a pair of underwear designed by an notoriously bad filmmaker. This review is for you.
Underwear Specifications:
- Model: TW Boxer
- Brand: Tommy Wiseau
- Material(s): 95% Cotton / 5% Elastic
- Style: (Comfort) Boxer Brief
- Price: $5.99 USD single / $15.99 3-pack
- Approximate Steps To Chafe: ASTC 7300
I don’t know what’s wrong with me
I just want to start this off with saying I have no clue what is wrong with me. Why I would even entertain buying underwear from a man that made a movie that is considered among the worst movies ever made? It’s beyond me. I did love the movie so screw it! I am going to try these bad boys. How could you not? Wait don’t answer that. Let me have my moment.
To everyone who isn’t aware these underwear are designed by a guy named Tommy Wiseau. Tommy made a movie considered one of the worst movies that there is. In the footnotes there are links to the movie as well as the book that was written about the movie. I love both the movie and the book.
For some reason this guy who makes a “horrible” movie also designs underwear? It makes no sense, but neither does, “The Room”, so I guess it actually fits more than it really should.
The Wiseau Genius
He put diagrams of every type of underwear that he sells. It seems super trivial, but it really is genius. Believe it our not, making underwear isn’t a standardized process. What is short legged to one manufacturer can be normal to next. If you buy TW you get this diagram for comparison. Say you bought a TW boxer, but the legs were too long for your liking, you see that you should have gotten the TW-Trunks. He also adds freaking Asian sizing which you do need. If you are Asian, or want to try a style of Asian underwear. I actually did, and I used this diagram to make sure I ordered the right size, and it worked!
Fruit of the loom doesn’t even do this, and that is their dam primary business! I ran into this exact issue with FOTL boxer briefs that were short legged. I will have review coming out later about those pieces of shit. Bottom line is I wish every manufacturer who makes different styles of underwear would do this.
One thing that is incorrect about the diagram is that the pouch is not off to the side of the fly (see below).
They have a tiny penis holder
This is the pouch that is referenced in the diagram packaging. As you can see. It is not to the side of the fly. I think it might actually be for keys or something? I actually have no clue, because I wouldn’t want anything rubbing against my penis. So, I am just assuming it is a holder for little tiny penises (I looked it up, it is in fact penises, and not penii). If I had a micro penis I think I would like it. It looks pretty snug.
Build and Quality
These things are made like standard cotton boxer briefs. So they get pretty wrinkled, and they bunch up in certain places. They do have a double-stitch with the waistband so it should stay in-tack for the life of the underwear.
One build issue is the seam. It is right through the center of the underwear. It will eventually break down sooner rather than later. I understand that it costs more to offset the seam, but really I wish it was adopted across the board. I have been wearing these for a couple months now, and you can see that it is still holding acceptably. So, maybe I shouldn’t be that worried after all…
I did rip my blue pair after the second wear. I think the fault was mostly of myself, as I slipped while stepping into them. However, they will rip if you are a little to rough with them. Which does make me question their log term durability. Ripping my underwear while stepping into them was definitely a first for me.
Approximate Steps To Chafe and discomfort
I hit about 7300 with these guys, before I hit a good chafe. Considering they are 95% cotton this actually is pretty good. My left side went first, then the whole of the thighs were to follow. If you aren’t doing a 10000+ step a day routine these would probably last you the whole day without getting hit with the chafe.
The large waistband will most likely cause issues to all, but the skinniest of people. What ends up happening as you can see from the photo. Is it is so large that it tends to bunch almost all the time. The bunching can get pretty uncomfortable, but isn’t the worst waistband that I have had to deal with. Oh yeah, and it looks pretty dam stupid. It is freaking giant gold waistband. Everything else looks nice on these except for the waistband.
Moisture and Odor Control
Since it’s mostly cotton. All they really do is absorb. My nethers were moist pretty much as soon as I started out my day. I remember having to make “Number 2” towards the end of the day, and having to pull these up. It was kind of like pulling up a wet bathing suit.
For odor, these were pretty much towed the line down the center. You did have a smell about you at the end of the day. However, it wasn’t so bad that you could smell it though your pants at the middle of the day.
Value
Remarkably good value I would say. Buying the three pack, puts you about a buck and a half per pair more than a champion pair. Right around the same price for something like a Hanes with IQ technology. For me, they have a way higher ASTC rating than the champions do. So, if I have a choice between these, and a standard Hanes or Champion. I would choose these.
TL;DR
I surprisingly recommend these for a pair of comfort boxer briefs to buy as a value pair. I really think my one rip was caused by a misstep into the blue pair that I had. I am tempted to order another three pack now that they have changed the white pair out for the black.
The average person takes about less than 5200 steps per day. With an ASTC rating of 7300 they should last the average person with some steps to spare. Although do be aware of the wet diaper that you might end up with at the end of the day.
They still don’t check every box. So, my quest continues.
Why are they great?
- They are surprisingly affordable
- They hold off chafing for a reasonable amount of time for the price.
- Packaging diagram is genius.
- They are accommodating to men of both normal sizes penises, and little penises.
- These are vivid! They stay vivid. I actually like how vivid they are.
Who would want to stay clear?
- People who aren’t a fan of large waistbands.
- People who think it’s weird having someone’s name in giant letters across their waists.
- People who cannot stand to have their package be moist.
- People who don’t like vivid underwear.
- People who walk 10000+ steps a day.
