Making Things Happen: Focus and Personal Connections
Finding the balance between these two key elements puts you (and your business) in the sweet spot for success. Discover where you land on this equation and get yourself into alignment for maximum chances of success.
Doing great things in this world always requires two key elements: personal connections and focus. It’s just not one or the other; the combination of the two is key. As Charlie Rose once said to Paul Graham, this is “the way things get done in the world.” So what does that really mean?
Having one side of the equation but not the other just doesn’t cut it. We all know people who work incredibly hard and isolate themselves around their mission, and as a result, they can’t raise money or get their ideas out into the world. And on the other hand, we all know people who are incredibly social but don’t amount to much professionally, or they know how to get people excited but can’t find the discipline to follow through on their ideas. Cultivating both of these abilities simultaneously is what truly ensures the success of your projects.
Most of us haven’t perfectly mastered both qualities. One usually comes much more easily than the other. Ask yourself: what’s more natural to you — maintaining a single-pointed focus on your projects, or making and nurturing social connections? Which one do you struggle with more? Understanding where you’re doing well and where you still have room to grow can help you come into that sweet spot that’s perfect for making things happen. Whether you’re launching a new venture, fundraising for a project, writing and publishing a book, or undertaking any other significant creative work, you need to make sure you’re delivering on both fronts.
Sam Altman and Paul Graham have agreed that they believe that this magical combination of focus and personal connections is the way things get done, in business and in life. This certainly holds true for all the big things I’ve accomplished in my life as well as the awesome achievements I’ve observed my friends achieve.
In both of my startups, it was important to work hard and stay completely focused on our mission when we were in front of a screen, doing the necessary legwork to build a business. But that didn’t amount to anything unless we were able to open significant doors through the connections we had or were forging in the world. The connections allowed our companies to raise money and make quantum leaps in partnerships and sales — all necessary pieces of growth. Once we got those opportunities and received the wire transfers, it was imperative that we buckled down again, shifted back to focus mode, and delivered on our promises.
Most of us have some mix of these two qualities, but we tend to slant in one particular direction. Here’s a look at the way things can play out when you’re imbalanced in one direction or the other.
All Focus But No Connection
I’ve worked with many clients who have mastered the focus side of the equation but really struggle to cultivate meaningful professional connections.
“It just feels so disingenuine to me,” one of my clients recently said. “I don’t actually want to ask this person about their kids and how they’re doing. I don’t care. I really just care about my mission. I’m like a robot focused on my task.”
Unsurprisingly, this particular client had a huge fundraising goal and he wasn’t getting a ton of traction with it. It was clear that he was a 10/10 on the focus, but he was really lacking the ability to make solid connections and utilize them effectively to support his work. He didn’t spend regular time cultivating relationships. He didn’t care about others. He just wanted to stay in his zone, in isolation, lone wolfing and doing his work. Needless to say, there were some big lessons here for him.
We all know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of this kind of energy: to meet with someone who exclusively cares about their mission and doesn’t care an ounce about you. It can feel horrible, disconnected, like you’re being used. You don’t really feel motivated to participate in their venture or support them if it doesn’t feel like they’re at least interested in you on a basic human level. You’re not going to be inclined to help someone if they don’t take the time to ask what is important to you or what you want. They are also unlikely to be able to communicate with you on a human and emotional level — even if you find their work interesting and important — about why it matters and why you should get involved.
Working in isolation is incredibly limiting; it can only take us so far. The bottom line is that you can’t make big things happen on your own. If you want your idea to succeed, you have to devote the time and energy to fostering strong social skills and a solid network of professional connections. You never know who could be your next backer or foot in the door.
All Connection But No Focus
On the flip side, we all know the feeling of being with someone who is all connection and no focus. The meeting drones on seemingly for hours — and you’re still waiting for them to get to the point. There’s no clarity in what they want or what they’re asking of you. You can’t wait to get out of there. If only they could be specific in what you could help them with so you could just do it and move on! You might also meet this person at a conference or event and find yourself getting absorbed in an exciting conversation with them that leaves you feeling inspired and charged. Whether anything comes of the ideas and projects they’re sharing with you is another question.
You may know this person. They are the dreamer. That person who knows everyone. The one who always has great ideas; who might talk a big game but struggle with execution. They’re the ones who say they will do something, but somehow you don’t have much confidence in their ability to follow through.
I personally am much more on the social side–and I’ve had great success in partnering with people who are extremely disciplined and focused.
Finding the Balance
If you’re trying to make something audacious happen, it’s worth taking the time to bring some awareness to this dynamic. Are you delivering on both fronts? Do you have the focus and discipline to back up the ideas you’re getting other people excited about? Do you have the network to help you bring your incredible work out into the world? Get clear with yourself on where you land on this spectrum and make an action plan to determine what you want to do about where you’re lacking.
My client, for instance, realized that he needed to figure out a way he could still be authentic to himself while doing what he could to amp up his energy with his network. One option, if you have the luxury, is to bring someone onto your team with complementary skills so that together you bring both the focus and social network by doing what you each naturally do best. In my client’s case, he ended up wanting to cultivate his own social skills and become the social person needed to raise funds. He was able to step up and manage the relationships quite well while still having time to put his head down and crush work. He had an ambitious fundraising target for the year, and as a result of embracing the social side, demonstrating his care for others, and going to some key conferences, he raised all the money they needed and then some in less than three months. He found a way that he could be more social and still be his authentic self while setting his business up for success.
Take stock of where you land on this spectrum. How do you know if you’re being totally honest? It will likely sting, and there may be some confusion, shame, or even anger. Those feelings should be welcomed and accepted, it’s actually good news. It means you’re in the right place. You now really know what you’re working with, and only from this place of self-awareness can you play your hand as best as possible. Becoming more social or more focused is totally possible. It requires courage, discipline, and in many cases some guidance from someone who thrives in that particular area. If you truly have the willingness to change, it is possible for you.
Success is a delicate balancing act. But when you balance these two essential skills, you not only boost your (or your team’s) chances of making things happen in the world — you also make it a whole lot easier than you may have ever thought to get the job done.
