Review: I Didn’t Realize I’d Been Spelling Starlite Wrong This Whole Time

Located in the heart of downtown Lincoln, Nebraska, Starlite Lounge sits quietly in the basement of a place where you can get fried nuggets of gator meat. Starlite Lounge is probably one of the most Lincoln bars in the world. It’s the only bar with a retro 50’s theme that also serves fried okra. A lot of people think this bar is for an older crowd, people who want to relive the Mad Men days and pretend an Old Fashioned is a good drink. I wholeheartedly disagree with that and I will absolutely tell you why.
First, I graduated college in May and am currently saving money to move to Chicago in August. The problem is, as soon as any sweet alcohol touches my lips, I think I’m the queen of England and can have whatever I want. This leads to me buying a lot of expensive drinks and ultimately spending at least $10 at D’Leon’s. You could say I’m very bad at being broke. The reason I love Starlite so much, besides the giant sweaty booths, overall absence of light, and little to no cellphone reception, is their happy hour.
When I walk into a Starlite’s happy hour, I know I’m going to leave happy with enough money to finally start a savings account. From 5–7pm every Friday, I thrive. When my dear friend, Ashley, and I hit up Starlite last Friday, we created a new kind of meal. Appetizer Soup. It’s where you take the small boat they provide for you, line the bottom with at least an inch-thick mix of ranch and hot cheese, make a layer of tortilla chips followed by a layer of fried mac and cheese balls, and finally, build a tower of mini corn dogs. You’re welcome to drizzle on another ladle of cheese/ranch mix (I usually do), but sometimes when the free app line is piling up because it has taken you a solid 10 minutes to create this mess, it’s best to just leave the ladles alone for a bit.
When you get back to your table, you might be embarrassed that your boat is already leaking, but don’t be. That’s Starlite’s fault, not yours. I’ve offered to bring my own plastic Tupperware to save their tables from a milk-sauce mess, but they are not interested in my innovation.
Make sure to order as many different drinks as you can because all their specialty martinis are $2 off during happy hour. Everything at this bar tastes good. Any drink made with ice cream and chocolate syrup are always going to slap your ass. They are great, but I would eat grass covered in ice cream and chocolate syrup.
My favorite drink is the orange push pop one. I don’t know what the actual drink’s name is, but you’ll know it when you see it on the menu. If not, just ask your server, “You know that girl that comes here every Friday and inhales half a tray of mini corn dogs? I want what SHE’S having!”
Overall, I would rank this bar a: I can only bring my close friends and my mom here because no one else will let me consider this free-app-and-cheap-drink-combo my dinner without judgement.
