Review: Why Am I Always At Duffy’s?

Matty Merritt
Nov 6 · 3 min read
Sweaty me doing standup at Duffy’s. I told a REVOLUTIONARY joke about Tinder on this stage.

Duffy’s Tavern on ‘O’ Street is a goddamn treasure. I go to this bar a lot because it’s dark, old, full of leather booths, and the bartenders don’t really talk to you. They also have a patio. I like drinking outside, but every other bar in Lincoln, Nebraska that has an outside part is usually full of white men in golf polos. My other reviews usually involve me being mean, I will be doing that in this review of Duffy’s, but with the utmost respect for one of my un-ironic loves in this city.

The most important thing about Duffy’s is its schedule.

Monday: You could say that what happens at Duffy’s on this day is comedy. You could also say that a bunch of sad people get together and tell some jokes for a few hours to whatever group of Midwestern moms happen to have the night off from their kids. Be there right at 7:30pm when the show starts for good seats and wait around until at least 8:15pm when the show actually ends up starting. Enjoy the show, unwind, treat the people on stage turning their trauma into art like white noise, we like it.

Sweaty me with my not so sweaty friend.

Tuesday: I’m sure a hip-looking tinder boy in a baseball cap has invited you on a date here for the Dollar Dad Beers.

Wednesday: I’ve heard there’s live music, but I try to avoid activities that draw a crowd, that’s why I prefer doing stand-up comedy.

Thursday: You can bring your dog for happy hour. This is excellent because drinking alone out back next to the fire pit always seems like more of a purposeful choice when you have a puppy. Bonus fact about the fire pit, you can say ‘Fuck You’ to ashtrays and just throw your cigarette butts directly into it, miss, and pretend nothing happened.

Friday & Saturday (and maybe Sunday I don’t know, I don’t go to bars on Sunday. I am a woman of the Lord.): These nights are for Duffy’s legendary fishbowls. Yah, you can pay $14, a little under an hour and a half of work if you make minimum wage, for a glass bowl full of mainly juice, ice, and 40,000 straws. Be careful, there are always large men in button downs playing giant jenga nearby, just waiting until you are totally focused on carrying your wonder woman fishbowl so they can knock the whole tower over and scare you into dropping it, ruining your precious plans to drink the whole bucket of alcohol by yourself through all 40,000 straws at once.

Duffy’s is great. One time I asked this guy out back for a cigarette and he immediately broke his in half and gave me the lit end. You could also probably have that good of a time there. Overall, I would rank Duffy’s a: it’s the only bar that someone has actually hit on me at so Duffy’s is automatically the number one bar in Lincoln,Nebraska for me.

Matty Merritt

Written by

Humor writer from Nebraska. Has at least three plastic sandwich bags at all time full of what is “probably Tylenol.”

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