Rethinking Safety For My Children
Violent crime has been in decline for centuries. In the U.S., there was an increase in the 70’s and 80’s, but we are now back below the levels we saw in the 1960’s. Yet, at least in the U.S., our behavior is very very different than it was in the 60’s. We live in a constant state of “what if.” What if my child is kidnapped. What if my neighbor is secretly a criminal. What if, what if, what if.
A couple examples:
- In September of last year, a neighbor called Child Protective Services on a mother in Austin, TX who’s 6 year-old was playing “unattended” in a yard across the street. If this was the norm during my childhood, my parents would be in prison for life.
- I have 2 family members in middle school who have never ridden their bikes alone, never walked to a friend’s house alone.
This sounds like a critique, but it is not. My little boy is 15 months old, and I think “what if” constantly. I can’t imagine something happening to him that I could have easily prevented.
But the reason we live in this constant state of fear is not because “the world is different now.” It is because we perceive the world as different now. We are inundated with all the terrible things that happen from our real-time news coverage, “If it bleeds it leads” mindset. But there is a flip side, of course. What is it costing us to keep our kids on these short leashes?The single most influential aspect of my childhood was the ability to explore. Sure, I had lots of broken bones and stitches, but almost every good memory I have is a direct result of the ability to walk through yards, knock on my friends’ doors, climb trees in the woods, and make our own fun. My group of friends and I learned how to interact as peers, deal with conflict without an adult telling us what to do, and test the boundaries of what we were capable of. I don’t know what kind of person I’d be without that, but I’m glad I’ll never find out.
Nowadays, a kid like me is sitting at a desk for a very long day of school, being rewarded for following the rules and not causing problems, and coming home to more close supervision, which ends up involving sitting in front of a screen because it’s easier for the parents (constant supervision is exhausting!), etcetera etcetera.
So where is the line? Where are the necessary boundaries that won’t crush curiosity and sense of adventure? I don’t know yet, and it may be different for each kid.
But I do know that safe is not the only thing that matters. I know that the best lessons happen through taking risks and figuring things out. I know I’ll never be able to prevent every bad thing from happening. And I know the world needs more adventure — which cannot exist without danger.
I want my children to know adventure, to be able to act in the face of danger…but what if…
