Past Life I: Jocelyn

Door 4

This piece is part of a series in which I write down what I saw when I underwent a past life regression guided by Michelle at Heavenly Treasures, Cannock, UK. The piece starts with the regression itself and then concludes with some of my thoughts afterwards.

The Regression

I am in a forest; it is quite dark. I am walking and beneath my feet are damp fallen leaves. I am wearing boots made of skin and simple mediaeval peasant clothing. The vision is not that clear.

Michelle says I go to my home and asks me to describe it.

I see me approaching a door. It is a Gothic doorway, set in stone. I think that it is the door to a monastery, but I am unsure. Nothing is clear. Michelle asks which country I am in, and I have no idea although it feels like mediaeval Europe. Although it is my home, I have no great attachment to it. I sleep there but I prefer being outside in the world. I am confused as I am living in a monastery, but I am not wearing the garb of a monk. I think I could be a servant or maybe a novice. When asked my age I say in my twenties, but then reason that in mediaeval times people grew up quicker and so what your twenties are now would be more like a teenager then, so I am either in my twenties or a teenager.

Michelle asks what I eat, and I say simple food, rarely any meat, cabbage, and bread maybe. I eat from a wooden bowl using a wooden spoon.

Michelle asks me about my family, and I see them living in a simple cottage in a village somewhere. I have left them but not on bad terms, we have not fallen out. I just found the life with them confining and I wanted to widen my horizons and explore. Maybe I went on a pilgrimage although I am unsure about this.

Michelle asks about my death. I am in the monastery, and I am perhaps forty or fifty. There is a pain in my stomach which is probably what has killed me. I am ill in bed. Michelle asks who is with me and I reply the brothers but what is more important is who is not there, a girl whom I wish was by my side.

The girl is called Iseult I think, and she had long dark brown hair and I found her beautiful. She married someone else, and this might be connected to me entering the monastery. When I die, I am full of sadness, bitterness, and regret. Partially, this is around Iseult and us not being together, but partially because I chose the monastery thinking that it would provide the answers and yet it left me unfulfilled. I am angry with God about this to a degree. I always wanted more and never received it.

Now Michelle asks me to leave the room and return to the corridor.

Reflections

This was my first-ever past-life regression, and it was unclear and unfulfilling. Throughout the entire process there was a battle going on within me, a battle between the part of me that wished it to be true and the part of me that said it was all just auto-suggestion and wish-fulfilment.

This was partly because of conversations and other experiences that I had had in the weeks and days leading up to the regression. Talking with S I had told her about a vague idea I’d had about a past life in which I was a monk, and she was a Cathar. How surprisingly then that the first life I enter echoes this strongly, particularly as Iseult was very much like her.

The days prior to the regression, a spiritual friend, Rosanne, had been staying with me. She had told me outright that I had been a monk in more than one past life and that my toxic attitude to money was a result of this (I see it as evil). She said that in one past life I had not been with my soulmate because I was too impoverished and in others, I had taken vows of poverty. Rosanne had also said that I had met S in past lives. Again, how convenient that this life echoed all that.

Furthermore, I had visited the ruins of a monastery (Croxden Abbey) the weekend before, had read several books on troubadours and mediaeval topics including one with a female character called Iseult. One of the main troubadours was Jauffre. I thought my name was Joscelyn but was not sure.

Finally, the whole thing was so hazy and unsure that I don’t feel it was anything in particular.

On the converse side, I did feel like the character in the regression was me and not a literary creation. His emotions were my emotions. And all of the above doubts could be turned on their head: had I been reading those books and exploring those themes because they were connected to a past life and my mind was subconsciously preparing itself for the regression? And the visit to Croxden Abbey; this had not been planned but the result of a family meal at a pub nearby. Plus, the abbey in question was clearly not Croxden.

Another factor to consider is that the details, scant though they are, do align with how mediaeval life was. However, whether that was due to them being genuine or me being well-read in history is impossible to state. I guess that reflects the entire issue: everything could be real yet alternatively, it could be auto-suggestion. At the end of this regression, I was no nearer to discovering which was the truth.

This regression left me feeling very unsure and doubting of the entire process, but then I have to concede that, as the first one coupled with my sceptical nature, perhaps that was always going to be the case.

The journey continues.

Written 30/10/2023, Smallthorne, UK

Copyright © 2023, Matthew E. Pointon