How To Start Living Without Regret Right Now

For Red Bull

I only know of one person in my life who had no regrets. I was in the Air Force with him, his name was Steve. It was always inspiring to watch how he went about his life.

Steve didn’t care about what anyone else thought, he just did what he wanted to do. Irrespective of whether this is the right approach or not, it was impressive to see him just follow his heart and passion.

Regrets are normal

Unlike Steve, the vast majority of us live with regrets, mistakes and stuff-ups. Regardless of what it may look like from the outside, nobody’s perfect. But it’s how you react to these failures, missed opportunities and regrets that really matters. We can choose to turn them into valuable lessons and move forward, or we can dwell on them and let them inhibit our progress. As Stephen Hawking said in a recent speech at Oxford: “Look up at the stars and not down at your feet”.

The most successful people on this planet have overcome all sorts of things, built resilience and persistence, and learned how to ‘fail forward’ (as they say in Silicon Valley). Opting to play it safe out of fear of failure will only eat away at you over time.

The clock is always ticking

The last thing you want when you’re sat there at 90-years-old is a headful of ‘what ifs’, yet many of us live as if there will be no end to our days. We stay in unfulfilling careers, fail to tell people how much they matter to us, remain in unhappy relationships, we say we’ll go travelling ‘one day’ and hide our real truth, gifts, or talents from the world. I think a lot of this comes back to our fears but also being worried about what other people think — we are scared of being judged and criticised.

“Even if you do absolutely nothing in your life that raises an eyebrow, you’ll still get judged…so you may as well go for it.”

Every time I read the above line it makes me smile and push through, even when I know people will take the piss. Little digs or snide comments from others all boil down to their own insecurities…and the fact they don’t have the gumption to follow their own curiosity. So instead, they just sit on the sidelines and try to bring other people down to make themselves feel better.

I think when you know this, it’s a lot easier to push through all the negativity that inevitably comes with putting yourself out there. It’s an unfortunate fact of life and something you need to learn to deal with or you’ll limit yourself and develop more regrets as time goes on.

It’s not about yes or no, it’s about balance

There are people out there who think that saying ‘yes’ to everything means you’ll have no regrets. On paper, it sounds like a one-way ticket to an adventurous life, but in reality I know it’s not that practical.

That said, if there’s no genuine reason to say no, why not say yes? Why not try something new, meet new people or try new experiences? You never know where they all may lead and how all the dots will eventually join up. From my own experience, the most interesting people in life have said yes to a lot to things with no idea how it was all going to turn out, and have some brilliant stories because of it.

These people also seem to have very few regrets. They’ve learned to just see everything as a constant learning process and to not be scared of the prospect of failure. Maybe it’s all about how you frame these experiences and maybe people out there with “lots of regrets” have actually just had lots of experiences but not realised the lessons and benefits to be gleaned from each one.

Be your own author

I watched a Ted Talk a while back that stuck with me. In the clip, Amy talks about her medical condition (which puts things into perspective for a lot of people), and how she now lives her life as if she was the author of her own story.

“How would you like your story to read if you sat down at the end of your life to read it?”

I always remember that line: “you’re the author.” Most people will shy away and blame external forces for things that go wrong in their lives, but that’s the easy way out. The buck stops with you. You make your own choices. Obviously you can’t control everything, but you can control how you react.

Taking responsibility for your decisions is one of the best suggestions I have for avoiding regrets in the future. Although it’s hardly a revolutionary concept, it’s usually the simple solutions that are the best. There are few of these articles around the web, but this one, about the top five regrets of the dying, is the most succinct. Remember these regrets from now on. Use them as a filter and cross check them in almost all your decision making. Do that, and hopefully you won’t end up like the majority.

Using our regrets as lessons

One of the major things I’ve learned from my own life and my own regrets is that, regardless of what anyone says, there’s always a way. Even if you’re not successful in an endeavour, you can still learn from it. I’ve applied this to everything else going forward and it’s served me well. Regrets should be seen as a positive, a building block for who you are today and a foundation for the future. You can’t change the past, what’s done is done, but you still have a future.

Other regrets and experiences have taught me perseverance, resourcefulness and tenacity — three massive things that have helped me to no end in today’s world. All in all, I’m happy I’ve been through everything I have, including all the ups and all the downs. I’ve learned to harness the frustration, disappointment and even anger and use it to fuel my aspirations going forward.

I now actually quite like it when people tell me something’s impossible. It spurs me on and I make it my mission to prove them wrong. I’m not always 100% successful, but I know I won’t have any more ‘what ifs’ and I’ll learn a lot in the process. As far as I’m concerned, there’s no downside. Life is about choices. Almost everyone reading this is lucky enough to be able to make their own, and so at the end of the day, the ball is in your court.

Unfortunately, Steve passed away a few years ago. He still lives on in my heart and continues to have a profound effect on not only my own life but the lives of many others he touched in his 27 years on this planet. He helped lift everyone up and showed us all what we could achieve if we stopped caring so much about what other people might think and just went for it.

Matt Prior is an Adventurer, Pilot, Photographer and World Record holder. He served for six years flying jets in the Royal Air Force and, as a British Military Overseas Expedition Leader, led several multi-discipline expeditions across the world.

He is member of the Explorers Club, a qualified Wilderness First Responder and Paramotor Pilot. Matt has been to over 100 countries on numerous unsupported expeditions and ascended various famous peaks across five continents. You can join him on a one-week adventure like no other through his Adventure Academy. Apply HERE

Original article: http://www.redbull.com/au/en/adventure/stories/1331836206077/learning-from-regrets-matt-prior-adventurer