The real reason why men lose interest

Matt Miller
Sep 6, 2018 · 5 min read

Kate was devastated. Her “perfect” relationship was at an end.

“I just can’t keep on like this. I just don’t feel satisfied.”

Kate had known there were problems for a while now, but she didn’t realize it had become this bad until Ben said those words to her.

The worst part of it was that Kate just didn’t know what went wrong.

When they met, Kate and Ben just seemed to “click”

When they met, Kate and Ben just seemed to “click”. Everything was just awesome. They enjoyed all the same things. They were all over each other, so much that one of their friends told them to “please cut back on your public displays of affection, it makes people uncomfortable.”

But, they didn’t care because no-one else seemed to matter to them. After a couple of months of dating, they decided to move in together.

They were sure it was going to work, and at first, it did.

But then, without warning, things started to change…

Kate didn’t notice it at first, but Ben started to become distant. Less interested in her.

At first, the signs were small. He stopped sending her romantic texts during the day. She just assumed he was too busy.

Then, he stopped replying to her text messages during the day. She just assumed he was too busy.

Then, they stopped going out. Ben would come home, plop down in front of the TV, and then watch TV until going to bed. She just assumed he was tired from working too hard.

The first time that Kate really realized something was wrong was one Friday.

“Let’s go out to that Indian place we loved so much last time”, Kate asked Ben.

“That sounds good. But I’m really tired. Why don’t we just stay in and watch a movie.” Ben sounded tired.

Kate was disappointed, but she didn’t want to force Ben to do something.

Then, Ben’s phone rang. It was his best friend. After 5 minutes, Ben put down his phone and said “That was Kevin. He asked me to go out with him and the boys to that new club. Don’t wait up.”

That’s when Kate realized that Ben didn’t have a problem with being tired, but that Ben had a problem with her.

When Kate tried to talk to Ben about this, he just said that she was overreacting. That, of course, he loved her and wanted to spend time with her. That, of course, she was important to him.

But, after that day, Kate started seeing more and more cracks in their relationship.

What Kate was experiencing is actually a very common relationship situation.

To understand it, we need to look at the different phases of Kate and Ben’s relationship:

Phase 1: Just met

During the first few weeks of their relationship, Ben was really into Kate. She was his main preoccupation. He constantly thought of ways to impress her and win her affection. He had a very clear goal — “Get Kate To Like Me And Go Out With Me”.

The first couple of months

During this period, Ben was working on showing Kate that he would be a great partner for her. This was an exciting time and the best part of their relationship. Again, Ben had a very clear goal — “Show Kate That I Will Be A Good Partner And Provider”. The goal might even have been more visible “Get Kate To Move In With Me”.

After moving in together

This is where the problems started. After moving in together, the relationship went into “maintenance mode”. Things were going well, but there wasn’t a clear next step. There wasn’t anything that needed to be done. Ben didn’t have a clear goal…and he started to lose interest. His natural goal-driven nature started focusing on other areas of his life — his job, his friends.

The big need

If you want to understand why men lose interest, then you need to understand what motivates men.

You see, men are naturally very goal driven. They are driven to work on achieving clear goals. When they have goals, they are happy. When they don’t have clear goals, they start searching for things to accomplish. No man can just sit still and be happy with what he has.

Don’t believe me? Just read a history book. Kings were never happy with just their kingdom. They always wanted the kingdom next door. Emperors, who ruled over vast empires, were never happy with what they had. They wanted to gobble up more and more territory. The Roman empire. The British empire. All of them constantly wanted more things to accomplish and do.

This is a core need that all men share — the need to accomplish. It is not something that they are even aware of or something that they can control. It is just a part of them, like the need to eat.

The big problem with relationships

And that is the big problem with many relationships. During the first part of the relationships, the guy is focused on clear, specific goals — winning your affection, proving himself.

But then, once the relationship becomes “comfortable”, he loses this clear goal. That’s when his brain starts finding other goals. It might be goals at work. It might be shared goals with his friends. Or, worst case, it might be goals involving another woman.

What to do about this big problem

Once you understand the problem, the solution is pretty simple:

You need to constantly provide your guy with a goal to focus on. You need to provide him with a way in which he can work on improving your relationship. If you know how to do this, his attention will be on you and your relationship, not on external things.

How to prevent men from losing interest

One of my friends, a relationship consultant who has worked with over a thousand women who share this exact problem, has written a short report that shares the 3 best techniques to constantly focus a man’s attention on your relationship.

In this report, you’ll find the best techniques to build momentum in your relationship. To always move forward in your relationship, and make it easy for your guy to always have clear goals on how he can improve your relationship.

How to get a free copy of this report

If you want a free copy for this report “The Secret To Building Forward Momentum In Your Relationship”, comment below and I’ll send you a copy.

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