Anxiety, Fear, Panic Attacks, Depression Follow Ups / Helps — “After all we’re just walking each other home” — Ram Dass

Matt Sauls
Aug 24, 2017 · 6 min read

(Above, Middle of a panic experience right before my twins were born)

The amazing and humbling response to yesterday’s post has driven me to write about this one more time, for now. I am grateful for the questions, likes, encouragement, messages, new friends and those that have shared their same struggles. There is something beautiful about relationships and knowing someone understands your struggles, so thank you! I got asked dozens if not hundreds of times what I did that seemed to help me the most. So, I am going to use this space to try to help encourage some of you with the help that I received.One key thing to understand is my story is not your story. What helped me may not be what helps you. My biggest fear in writing this is that I come across as “if you do this then you should be fine” and “that I have it figured out”. Let me assure you, I don’t! But, I have experienced healing and have continual hope! With this said, I am NOT a doctor, only a feeble man who has had to work through this disgsuting experience and want to share some things that were helpful to me!

First, as I mentioned yesterday, my healing started when I began to realize that searching for the “WHY” in all of this was futile. (as a side note, I highy recommend seeking medical advice in all these situations but when you come to an end of understanding “nothing is wrong” seking Why becomes a rat race) I had been to every doctor, had every test, talked to every possible person I could to understand why I was experiencing this violence and panic. If you read yesterday’s post, you may remember I searched the Scriptures. What I found in there was LIFE GIVING! I saw men, characters of the bible that suffered greatly, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. As I forced myself to read these words I started to not feel so alone. I started to understand that there was nothing “wrong” with me apart from anything that had already happened in history. I started to understand that for thousands of years people had struggled through emotional and mental torment for years and SURVIVED! They made it! As I started to understand this, I started to gather courage and more importantly, hope! I started to verbalize these things to others, share them with others, and think about them as often as I could even though in my darkness, it only accounted for a very small sliver of my thoughts. It was a start!

(middle of panic experience while addressing college students)

Secondly, I read a book called Adrenaline and Stress. You can find it here on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Adrenaline-Stress-Exciting-Breakthrough-Overcome/dp/084993690X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1502674078&sr=8-1&keywords=adrenaline+and+stress (I am in no way affiliated or compensated by the author of this book or anything that has to do with it) I only share it with you because it was a huge part of my process. Why? It gave me understanding. This book helped me to understand what was physiologically going on in my body. It explained adrenaline. Adrenaline is a God-given “drug” that is very healthy and extremely useful at the appropriate times. Mine, well, it was just out of whack! You see, when you are in danger or competing or something similar, your brain releases adrenaline into your bloodstream to help you escape danger or compete better. Ever get that nervous feeling before a test or a speech or a game? Guess what, adrenaline! Ever been in an accident or had to help someone who is seriously injured? Guess what! Adrenaline! Side effects of adrenaline? Rapid heart rate, shortness of breath, tingly limbs, nausea, cramps, dizziness, confusion, blurred vision, sweaty palms etc. Sound familiar to you anxious/depressed people? Yea, me too!

(middle of panic experience at girls baptism)

Third, I purchased a program called Panic Away. You can find that here. http://www.panicawayprogram.co/ (again, I am in NO WAY compensated or have any affiliation with this at all). I just used it and it was helpful!! I am not going to go through all the steps and all the program has to offer but I will share two that got me over the edge and able to (barely) function. First, and those of you that have been through these understand this, I simply identified my symptoms. I did NOT DEFINE THEM. What I mean by this is I didn’t define them as bad, horrible, scary, violent, sad, frightening, overwhelming etc. I simply just listed them in my mind. It went something like this. I am dizzy, I am short of breath, I am scared, it feels like my chest is caving in, my stomach hurts, etc. It was a very “matter of fact” mental definition of feelings/experience. Again, not labeling them as bad or awful or “I am dying”. Second, and all of you that live this life or are in this life are going to call me NUTS. I promise, it helps! I mentally demanded my body give me more of it. Give me all you got! You know what the pinnacle of a panic attack is? Your body passes itself out and breathes for you because you are too tied up in a knot to remember how to do it. Sound scary? Well, it isn’t! It just “is”. Its not something to be ashamed of, embarassed by, hide from others, or thinking you are some less of a person. By the way, don’t call it a panic attack, call it an experience. You can’t do much about an attack, its coming whether you want it to or not. An experience, eventually, can be a choice! Please understand a large part of panix/anxiety is simply your brain releasing adrenaline into your system.

I am NOT minimizing the violence, fear, worry, emotional pain, physical pain, scariness, and misery that comes along with this seeming insanity and darkness all wrapped up into one. Trust me, I know how terrible it is! I remember, years ago, a close friend of mine asked me to participate in a eulogy for a brother of theirs that had passed. I was in this church building, in my suit, up front, with hundreds and hundreds of people. They were singing a song that seemed to have 700 verses to it and I was “up” after it was over. Guess what, I was in a FULL BLOWN panic attack. Couldn’t breath, dizzy, nauseated, scared to death! I identified my symptoms and took it all the way to the end. I asked myself, “What is the worst thing that will happen to me in this situation?” I came up with, I will pass out. This can cause more fear, right? Not for me, I just accepted it. If I pass out, I pass out. They will pull me over, give me some water and cool me off and I will be fine! How embarrassing, right? Nope. I can’t remember who said it but I love this quote. “You will be far less concerned about what others think about you when you realize how little they actually do.” Kinda sad to think that but also helpful in the right circumstances. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is going to remember an “embarrassing” thing you did for long, if at all.

In the end, these are some key things that helped me. I don’t want to bore you so I am going to end this here. Remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, YOU ARE NOT TO BE ASHAMED, ITS OK! You’re struggling, you are having a hard time, and so is everyone else, in some way. Please, I beg you, don’t do this alone, don’t hide, don’t fear! We ALL need help walking each other home!

“We are all just walking each other home” — Ram Dass
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