The Human Resources Files: To the Person Who Stole my Lean Pockets…

Full Disclosure: While names and locations have been changed, these stories are depressingly and hilariously true.

Nate Dillon works at an accounting firm in Boston and saw this note taped on the door of the refrigerator in the break room:

(The words in bold were underlined in the original note.)

To the PERSON who STOLE my LEAN POCKETS from the freezer,

You know, the ones with my NAME on them? Yes, you ate one out of my two boxes of Lean Pockets. I would appreciate it if you confessed. But, if you don’t have the courage to do so to my face, just leave an envelope with my name on it under suite 130’s door. I expect to see THREE (3) dollars in the envelope. That’s what you owe me for EATING MY FOOD! I know it’s not much money but I’d like it if you pay me back.

Yours,

Person in Suite 130

End of the rope type stuff here. Obviously, this person has had one too many Lean Pockets taken. Sure, it’s frustrating but this is rather over the top. “I would appreciate it if you confessed.” This is not a murder that was committed; the guy took a Lean Pocket. Using the word “confessed” gives it a rather heavy handed, moralistic tone. Those things are disgusting anyway and I’ve heard are really bad for you.

I’m guessing that the person was really pissed when the note was written. Random words are underlined and capitalized which gives it a ‘letter -from -a serial -killer -to -the -police’ kind of feel. The author uses the word “courage” which is, again, rather strong. I’m not sure it’s a question of courage or cowardice. Maybe the guy was just hungry and didn’t think it was a big deal. After all, there were two boxes of Lean Pockets.

Why is “boxes” is underlined?

And where does three dollars come from? Three dollars for one Lean Pocket? I think the whole box sells for like $2.99. I wonder if anyone actually went to Suite 130 and left an envelope with three dollars in it. The author writes that he/she “expects” this to happen. I have learned to be wary of expectations.

A note such as this can provoke various reactions. One might be to take both boxes of Lean Pockets and toss them into the garbage. Another might be to take the Lean Pockets, heat them up and then stuff them under the door of Suite 130. Or perhaps leave three dollars worth of pennies in an envelope for this poor soul.

I might have just continued to eat the Lean Pockets. They are pretty gross but free food always tastes better.

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