It’s only fair right? I mean, she did just suck my dick and lick my balls. And I hadn’t showered from the gym yet. Yes, yes. It’s only fair. But. I don’t like it. So, I skip out on it, again. She says she likes it. She could be exaggerating that to appease me; which I’ve told her is not necessary. So, let’s say she is telling the truth that she does like doing it — the deed, BJ, Hummer, Smartness, penis sucking — should I then feel the need to reciprocate the action? If I were to never do it it would surely make me an asshole. I’d like to not be an asshole for that. For other reasons, sure, for that, no. Maybe I’m an asshole because I don’t want to hold her hand or share my food — she can get her own — or because I make fun of how her friends talk — it’s not my fault their vocabulary is reminiscent of failed reality stars. I can hear her now, talking to her friends, “he’s so selfish, he never goes down on me,” and her wannabe — reality star- friends yapping some advice that’ll surely involve pointing out how shitty I am like the rest of the men they deal with, this all being said in nasally high pitched tones of course.
I love my girlfriend, well, I think I do. I for sure like making her happy. It’s just going down there frightens me. When I look down at her vagina it stares back at me as if it wants to suck my lips into some vaginal abyss. I know that sounds silly but sometimes sex is silly. Go ahead and pretend like you’ve never been kicked, or kicked someone, when switching from doggy to missionary. Or the face one makes when one is orgasming, similar to the face of scratching an itch or cleaning your ears. I’ve discussed this with my male and female friends and the opinions were as wide ranging as some of their sexual interests. An ass eater and toe sucker definitely has different views than that of the girl who will only put her husband’s penis in her mouth. I wasn’t getting anywhere on my own so I decided to get advice where I usually get it when I’m truly stuck. Ask my dad.
He said, “eat the pussy like you want to get your dick sucked,” he then added while flipping a batch of blueberry pancakes, “it’s good to soften the pussy up before you pound it.” I later regretted getting this advice as it dredged up a memory I had forgotten — for good reason — twelve year old me coming home early hearing my mother screaming, “fuck dat pussy up daddy,” and seeing my father pound my mother from behind as she was bent over the arm of the living room couch. I do not know how they did not hear me opening the front door, it was a squeaky ass front door. My father’s advice was helpful, even if it’s given me horrible dreams for the past two weeks. It reminds me of that old saying, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. So, lips get ready because tonight we’re going deep sea pussy diving.